Tuszyn, Poland Rejects Winnie The Pooh For Being Pantsless And Of, We Quote, "Dubious Sexuality"

LOS ANGELES, CA - APRIL 11: Winnie The Pooh receives a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in front of the El Capitan Theatre on April 11, 2006 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Michael Buckner/Getty Images)
Source: Michael Buckner/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Oh, bother. One of America's favorite childhood characters has just been called out, big time. A Polish town is rejecting a Winnie the Pooh mascot because he's "inappropriately dressed" and of "dubious sexuality." The mascot would have been stationed at a local playground, and the committee didn't want a pantsless bear who regularly exposes his nongenitals to go anywhere near the town's children. The committee even went so far as calling Pooh Bear a "hermaphrodite" because it has no sex organs. This all really happened. A bunch of full-grown adults in the town council sat around and had an earnest and heated discussion about how Winnie the Pooh could corrupt their children beyond repair.  

Pooh was chastised during a meeting between officials in the town of Tuszyn, in central Poland. When the cartoon bear, whose addiction to honey, admittedly, has been under scrutiny for years, was thrown into the mix as a mascot choice, officials basically slammed their fists down and shouted, "Jeste´s szalony?!" Obviously, that is Polish for "Are you crazy?!"

According to the Croation Times, the meeting was recorded by one of the council members and leaked to the press because either they actually thought this discussion was important enough for the world to know about or they were dying of laughter on the inside, as most normal humans would have been. In the recording, councilor Ryszard Cichy, 46, could be heard saying — probably at a raised volume — to the council members:

The problem with that bear is it doesn’t have a complete wardrobe. It is half naked, which is wholly inappropriate for children.

Then he very seriously suggested a Polish cartoon bear as a candidate because it did not have a Miley Cyrus-level aversion to pants:

Ours is dressed from head to toe, unlike Pooh who is only dressed from the waist up.
Another council member then offered this very scientific, very reasonable explanation:
It doesn’t wear underpants because it doesn’t have a sex. It’s a hermaphrodite.
Congratulations, you've just uttered the most ridiculous sentence in human history.

It's unclear which mascot they ended up choosing, but you can be sure it's fully clothed and does not have a honey addiction. But the committee probably rejected a few more candidates before coming to a decision. Following the same reasoning of inappropriate dress and questionable sex, the town of Tuszyn would not only reject these popular cartoon characters, but they'd probably want to see them behind bars.    

Donald Duck

Donald Duck took a page out of Pooh's style book, rocking that shirt with no pants look like it's nobody's business.

Chip and Dale

What would Tuszyn think of this chipmunk duo? They're completely nude and not at all ashamed. Chip and Dale? More like Chippendales.

Bugs Bunny and Pretty Much Any Looney Tunes Character

Pretty much every Looney Tunes character would be a pervert in Tuszyn's eyes. Bugs and Daffy are total nudists, while Porky Pig's outfit is almost even more lewd. Wearing a blazer and a red bow tie with nothing else, Porky looks like he just stepped out of a male revue along with Chip and Dale.

Yogi Bear

That goes for Yogi Bear, too. You're not fooling anyone with your collar and tie. You may be business up top but you are definitely all debauchery below.

Images: Getty Images (4), Wikimedia Commons (3)

Must Reads