9 Stages Of Trying To Organize A Girls Night Out

It's important not to confuse "planning a girls night" with "going on a girls night". These are two totally different things. Going on a girls night is full of wine, laughs and always has the potential to devolve (evolve? Evolve) into dancing. Planning a girls night involves a constant string of messages in a group text which address absolutely anything you can think of other than what you're actually going to do on girls night. It's like when someone suggests "going on a girls night", everyone sees the statement as some magical black hole from which girls night will magically materialize. No one actually takes seriously the fact that decisions have to be made (which is one of the reasons we love our girlfriends: endless, wonderful, moronic gab).

Most of the pain of planning a girls night revolves around choosing a time and a venue. Although pain is probably the wrong word, because when you're shaking your head at the 30 messages on your phone, not one of them pertaining to the organizing of girls night, you do smile, because your friends are idiots, and you're an idiot, and you love each other so much it's barely possible to get anything done between all the tangents you're likely to slip off on. Because in friendships, TANGENTS ARE IMPORTANT. If you can't ride the tangential wave with your friends then it's not a real friendship; who needs regulated conversation anyway? So for anyone who has ever tried to plan a girls night (which I should clarify is 3 or more girls going out to act like they're the only ones in the room. No significant others or trying to hook up with strangers allowed), you'll be familiar with the following phases.

Choosing The Date

When someone hits the "we need a girls night!" alarm button, the first step is finding a date on which everyone is free. I always pitch two weeks ahead, because it saves the drama of eliminating two weeks worth of nights because everyone is already booked solid. Once the date is set, you carve that mother in stone, aka, put it in your Google Calendar and send everyone a non-retractable invite.

Beginning The Group Text

On the last girls night I was part of planning, my friend texted me on a Tuesday, asking if it was too early to start a group text for our Friday night out. I got so excited because I had been thinking the exact same thing, and wondering if I shouldn't give everyone until Wednesday to get their girls night anticipation pants on. My friend and I decided we would wait til Wednesday, because everyone knows you talk about last weekend until Wednesday, which is when you start talking about next weekend.

Gossip About Who Can't Come And Why

There will inevitably be someone who can't make it to girls night, and no one will let it rest until they're assured it's for any other reason than hanging out with a possible sex partner. If it is to hang out with a possible sex partner, said possible sex partner will be relentlessly discussed, and absent friend relentlessly texted for details because the power of WANTING TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR FRIEND'S SEX LIFE neuters your annoyance that she won't be at girls night, i.e., curiosity outweighs resentment (resentment is boring. Finding out sex things is way more fun).

Attempting To Decide The Details

When you're trying to decide exactly what girls night will entail, everyone will magically know what they DON'T want, but no one will know what they DO want. There will be a lot of conversation around what types of food/neighborhood/bar is vetoed by each person.

Frustration Surrounding The Details

You'll find this terribly frustrating, but you'll also know that you yourself are part of the problem. Chances are, your friends are just as frustrated as you, but no one is saying it, because actually, a lot of this superfluous conversation is actually pretty funny.

Talking About Yoga For A Bit

Eventually the group text will have nothing to do with girls night at all, and everything about how your yoga instructor wasted the last 20 minutes of class making you stare at a candle when all you wanted to do was practice your inversions.

Someone "Putting Their Foot Down" On The Details

With all the random anecdotal text chit-chat, someone will eventually be all like "OK, I'm making a decision." They will not make a decision (I know because that was me last time). This will bring other conversations for a momentary halt and everyone will say things like, "Oh, I don't mind, I'm easy, wherever suits the rest of you." Still no decision will be made.

More Chat About Yoga And Telling Everyone How Great The Look Lately

"You're so cute!"

"No, you're so cute!"

"Stop it, you're the cutest!"

[Emoji poo]

Final Decisions

A couple of hours before girls night is due to start, someone will tear the Band-Aid off and choose a place for you all to go. Because really, that's all you needed in the first place. When decisions are being made, the fewer people involved, the better. It will be a relief, and in the lead up, you'll start wondering why you hadn't planned to meet earlier, because waiting for girls night to kick off is KILLING you.

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