iPads, Testicle Size, Mammoths and More of Science's Surprising Studies This Week

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Remember those achingly long, caffeine-fueled nights at college when you'd stay up all night long finishing (okay, fine, writing) your final paper? Remember how, the next day, you ate all those fruits and vegetables in one glorious gulp, filling yourself with nourishment and potentially munching on kale?

Yeah, that never happened. Now, a new Swedish study has found what we all know to be true: the more sleep-deprived you are, the likelier you are to binge on junk food at the grocery store. The researchers gloriously hypothesized that the combination of sleep deprivation and calories would prove to be a "perfect storm," though we prefer the less dramatic "self-comforting partial food coma."

Obvious: Being Sleep-Deprived Drives You To Donuts

Remember those achingly long, caffeine-fueled nights at college when you'd stay up all night long finishing (okay, fine, writing) your final paper? Remember how, the next day, you ate all those fruits and vegetables in one glorious gulp, filling yourself with nourishment and potentially munching on kale?

Yeah, that never happened. Now, a new Swedish study has found what we all know to be true: the more sleep-deprived you are, the likelier you are to binge on junk food at the grocery store. The researchers gloriously hypothesized that the combination of sleep deprivation and calories would prove to be a "perfect storm," though we prefer the less dramatic "self-comforting partial food coma."

Surprising: Babies Remember Songs From The Womb

In today's most adorable news, babies who were played a chord in the womb recognized it after they'd emerged from said womb. Researchers played two to four-minute clips of made-up words at different pitches (the word were "tatata" or "tatota," in case you were wondering) at intervals when the fetuses were in their third trimester. After they were born, recognition centers in the babies brains lit up when they heard the same sounds.

Which must be why we cry whenever we hear Total Eclipse Of The Heart. There really is no other explanation. 

Hmm. What "chords" are today's babies going to pick up on? Miley Cyrus' "We Can't Stop?" Oh, God, those are going to be some messed up babies.

Obvious: Robots Aren't Very Good At Surgery

We don't know what robots are meant to be good at (taking over the world, according to every Will Smith movie ever?) but we wouldn't have put our money on it being surgery.

Now, a new study has gone and proved us right, finding that when robotic instruments were used in surgeries, the patients reported an array of problems later. To be exact, one kind of robotic equipment — the da Vinci, which has been used for more than ten years — has been linked to 174 injuries, and 71 deaths.

Sooo, this isn't the future of science after all, then? 

Surprising; Mammoths Might Have Died Out Because It Got Hot

We've never seen a mammoth. You've never seen a mammoth. They went extinct thousands of years ago.

Ever wondered why? Well, obviously not, but now, a new study explains that it might all be down to climate change. "Spells of warm climate made the mammoth more susceptible to extinction," said one researcher.

We're slightly surprised by this, but mostly surprised that people are still investigating mammoths. Does the world have nothing more pressing going on? 

Obvious: Should You Go To College? Maybe, Maybe Not

We've all been there: eighteen years old, fresher-faced then you'll ever be again, debating whether college is actually a good idea.

Well, this study should help teenagers out. It found that college degrees were useful for some career tracks, but less useful for others: four out of five jobs don't require a degree, but they're largely defined as "blue-collar" work. For professional or managerial, work, however, two-thirds of jobs required at least a bachelor's degree. Short answer: It depends! (Helpful, guys. Helpful.)

Surprising: Lake Michigan Rife With Ambien

Ah, the glorious Lake Michigan. Heart of the Great Lake State, filled with sandy beaches and Native Indian history... And a shit-ton of prescription drugs.

What? Yeah, you heard that right. Worrying levels of prescription drugs have been found a study of the lake, which provides drinking water for neighboring states and harbors a whole lot of wildlife. There's a wastewater treatment plant nearby, and up to 38 different compounds have been found in the formerly pure water.

Including testosterone and codeine. Poor fish...

Obvious: Workaholics Are Often Perfectionists

When we imagine Workaholics Anonymous, we sure don't imagine a bunch of lazy, slob-like characters sitting in a circle.

Well, neither does science. A new study finds a strong link between perfectionism and workaholism, and notes along the way that workaholics like to feel self-important. Workaholism, which is apparently now a genuine issue that requires treatment and rehabilitation, feels like something that obviously the world's perfectionists would be most susceptible to. 

Surprising: Bigger Balls Equals Worse Fathers

In the weirdest study to ever get approval, researchers measured 70 different fathers' testicles, and asked how involved those men were in childcare. 

Because that alone wasn't awkward enough, they then had to break to the men that, apparently, the bigger the balls, the worse dads they were — or, at least, the less hands-on they were with their kids. There may be a cause/correlation thing happening here, since male testes may also shrink with the onset of fatherhood. We're not kidding. Just try not to think about this next time you see your dad. 

Obvious: Bedtime Stories Are A Thing Of The Past

Goodnight, iPad kind of had a point.

A study has found that only a quarter of mothers actually read books to their child before bed these days. Of those who didn't read to their kids, those mothers said it was because their kids preferred computer games or tablets, so there wasn't much point in, ya know, reading. Um. Is anyone that surprised that, when handed an iPad, a small child will opt out of reading David Copperfield? Yikes.

Surprising: On Average, It Takes 70 Facebook Messages To Fall In Love

Wanna know the secret to lasting love?

Well, according to this strange new piece of research, it takes — get your pen out — 70 Facebook messages, 224 Tweets, 163 text messages, 37 emails, and 30 phone calls for someone to declare that they're fallen in love. Social media has apparently halved the time it used to take to fall in love, probably because everyone's sending hundreds and hundreds of Tweets to their significant other.

No word on whether or not said lovers ever meet in real life.