22 Normal Things People Who Are Cold All the Time Dread
The days are shorter, the wind is brisker, and you've traded nights out with your friends with nights in with your even better friends, Malbec and Netflix. So you know what that means: It's freaking cold outside. But you know this feeling all too well, because you're freaking cold inside too, your circulation proving to be no match for any season at all. Yes, you are one of those people who are cold all. The. Time.
I am one of those people too. The thing that chilled me most as a child was not something standard — spiders, clowns, drowning in the bacteria-laden cesspool that is the ball pit — but, instead, facing the cold of each morning in my thermostat-challenged home in Minnesota. Because there really is nothing worse than being someone who is incapable of ever feeling warm, regardless of the location, regardless of the season. You not only find yourself avoiding all outdoor activity when the temperature dips below 60 degrees, but, when you do go out, you might as well be confused for the Michelin Man, draped in heavy, bulky layers that guarantee you'll be doing laundry for life.
But there are far worse things about being cold all the time. You dread plenty of things, like...
Getting Out of Bed in the Winter
Because thanks to the gusty winds outside, it is freezing inside.
Getting Out of Bed in the Summer
Because thanks to the air conditioning fighting the oppressive heat outside, it freezing inside.
Walking Into a Hotel Room
Because thanks to hotels' seemingly relentless desire to waste away Earth's resources, it is freezing inside.
Finding the Perfect Sundress... That You Can Never Wear to Work in the Summer
Because even though you're traveling to work in comfortable 75-degree weather, your workplace compensates not for your comfort, but for the comfort of the many men in blazers. Speaking of...
Seeing a Male Coworker in a Suit
The ultimate sign that your workplace will never be warm enough for you.
Hearing Someone Say, "Is Everyone Else Hot In Here?"
Oh no, please. Please don't everyone come to a consensus to turn up the AC. It's only you! IT'S ONLY YOU!
Hearing Someone Say, "Mind if I Open the Window?"
Being Asked If You Want to Check Your Coat at a Fancy Restaurant
Why no, thank you — I'll enjoy my dinner with a nice bottle of red and a wool coat. (And hopefully no judgments.)
The Following Question: "Why Can't You Just Put More Layers On?"
Did you not notice I'm already the Michelin Man? Can't you just take some layers off?
The Following Words: Ski Trip.
The only pastime that involves falling down a steep hill in weather so cold, you're constantly coated in wet snow and your own frozen snot. Fun, right?
Sitting Through a Three-Hour Movie
Because when you're watching movies at home, you constantly find yourself saying, "This would be so much better if I were watching it in a freezer filled with other people," right?
A House with Tile Floors
Might as well be haunted. Not going in.
Sitting Down at a Table... Only to See a Ceiling Fan Whirling Above You
And overhearing the table next to you ask the waiter to turn it up.
Sitting By the Door in a Busy Restaurant
And feeling the draft when customers walk in, out, stand in the doorway, talk in the doorway, line up in the doorway, oh dear god, what have I ever done to you, doors?!
Trying to Use Your iPhone
And realizing your fingers are so cold, your phone no longer registers you as human.
Getting in a Taxi... and Realizing the Cabbie's Window is Open
The only time you find yourself wishing for a slow cab ride.
The cold water wasn't cold enough, so you had to go and add freezing water?! My teeth! Dear god, my teeth!
Goosebumps didn't just terrify you as a kid.
Stepping Out of the Shower
Nope, sorry, I live here now.
When Your Hair Dryer Breaks Mid-Blowout
Forcing you to rock the icicle strand look.
Being Gifted a Sweater with Holes
What is this madness?!
Going on a Perfect Date... Only to Find Out Your Date Sleeps with the Window Open
You said it, Liz Lemon.
But of All the Things You Dread, There is One Sight That Is Sweeter Than Any Other
Oh heat lamp, you are heaven.