When I was 17 years old, I was looking through an old closet in my basement when I discovered a gold mine: my mom’s old ugly Christmas sweaters. They’re a treasure. What do they look like, you may ask? A cardigan with bells! A sweater vest with a 1980s cranberry print! Giant knitwear with Santa’s face on the front! So, naturally, my sisters and I wore them the entire day on Christmas.
Fast forward a few years and these gems are still going strong — but in a different way. For us college kids, ugly Christmas sweaters aren’t just a holiday staple, they’re a way of life. With all of those post-Thanksgiving break festivities, we have to find a way to dress to impress.
But what does your sweater really say about you? Quite a bit, actually! It’s like judging people based on their Halloween costumes, but with more jolly and less fake blood. You can either go all out Buddy the Elf style, or be a total scrooge. It’s time to make an impression, people!
Whether you’re with a group of friends or trying to survive an office party, here’s what each and every ugly Christmas sweater really says about you.
1. Ticket to the Naughty List
You hate the holidays. HATE 'EM. To you, nothing is worse than listening to “Jingle Bells” and smelling like a pine tree. But — of course — your friends begged you to go to all of the glorious ugly sweater parties with them. Fine, you’ll go, but on one condition: You get to wear that sweater. You sure are a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
2. Wait, You Like Sports?
Looks like we have a sports fan here. Sure, the holidays are great and all, but your team is your life. YOUR. LIFE. It’s only obvious that you would somehow incorporate them into your sweater. You’ll probably spend all night trying to watch the game or check the latest stats. Go team?
3. The Queen of Movie Quotes
Movie Quote Sweater, $49, rosepetals.com
Oh, the Home Alone reference (or Angels With Dirty Faces, if you really know your stuff). You love Christmas movies and will make sure everyone knows it. When someone doesn’t get the reference, you’ll freak. “SERIOUSLY, you haven’t seen Home Alone?!” you’ll scream. “Guys, she hasn’t seen Home Alone!” Yeah, you love the movie and all, but let’s be real here. You’re only trying to outsmart everyone.
4. Anything Cute, Really
Women's Cardigan, $69, tipsyelves.com
Oh, COME ON. You couldn’t spend one night decked out in a normal ugly Christmas sweater? Seriously? You’ll spend all night posting Instas of the #uglysweaterparty and drinking complicated cocktails made with peppermint vodka. You do you.
5. Look at that Hipster
Is that your ugly Christmas sweater? LOL NOPE. It’s just part of your daily wardrobe. In fact, you had to choose between four other sweaters that look exactly like it. You’ll go to some party where everyone is drinking PBR and ironically listening to "Frosty the Snowman." You hipster, you!
6. And, Finally...
The human version of Buddy the Elf. To you, it’s not just an ugly Christmas sweater. It’s a way of life. You only get to wear one of your favorite creations once a year, so you go ALL out. You probably put out your decorations in September and started listening to Christmas music in July. Oh, and no one let you in on that little Santa secret.
Images: Courtesy Brands