Sit down and buckle up, everyone, because I am about to drop a bomb of a rumor on you. You know Leonardo DiCaprio, right? Star of Titanic and dozens of other wildly successful movies? The extremely good looking dude? Right, that guy. He is rumored to have left a party in South Beach over the weekend with 20 girls in tow. 20 human female women, people. Let me lay that out for you one more time so you can fully appreciate the ridiculousness of this statement: Leonardo DiCaprio apparently left a party with 20 women — many of them models. Allow that to sink in.
But wait. It gets better. Joe Jonas was at the party, too, and upon seeing this, he simply could not handle the situation. An onlooker described his reaction as "scared, like he was going to drown and suffocate in women." That's right. DiCaprio left the party with such a large group that he literally struck fear into the heart of a former Jonas Brother. It was that serious.
And although my primary reaction to this rumor is to laugh and totally disregard it, I wouldn't be too surprised if it turned out to be true. After all, I could easily round up 20 women who would follow DiCaprio into the depths of hell if he asked them to.
Oh, I remember, DiCaprio. We all remember.
However, leaving with 20 women was probably not DiCaprio's best idea. After all, I feel like he's not hurting for female attention. In fact, there are a lot of other things he would've been better off leaving that party with.
20 Bags of Chips
Because if any party has something in excess, it's chips. And it's not like you can eat directly out of the chip bowl. Other people's hands have been in there. Gross.
20 Academy Awards
Because that's the only way DiCaprio's going to get one. Zing!
P.S. DiCaprio, if you're reading this, I was just kidding. I'm so sorry. Will you marry me?
Certainly someone left their wallet lying around, and if you're planning on having company over (like 20 guests or so), you're gonna need cash for booze.
20 People, Men and Women
Because that's enough to create an offense and defense and play a rousing game of football. Maybe even beach volleyball, if DiCaprio is really sold on the Miami vibe.
20 Fellow Celebrities
Because in case you haven't heard who else DiCaprio partied with on Saturday night, there were enough famous faces to stage his own version of the Oscars.
Because it's going to take that many to shave that stupid beard off his face. Why would you mess with perfection, DiCaprio? It's like I don't even know you.
Because Jack deserved to live, too. And I don't think it's fair that Rose couldn't have just scooted over.
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