24 Most Awkward Questions Kids Ask Their Parents

by Jessica Blankenship

If you have kids, you know this already, and if you don't have kids, let me spoil the mystery for you: The hardest part of raising junior humans—well beyond the sleepless nights, a disrupted sex life, and saving for college, all of which are admittedly super challenging too—will be answering their questions. Their mind-numbing, endless string of the most inane, illogical, repetitive questions you can possibly imagine. They will ask you 47 consecutive times if it's time to have a cookie. They will ask you every single morning if they can wear their bathing suit to school when it's snowing outside. They will ask you about death. They will ask you "why" about things that will make you wince; you'd really hoped to have figured out the answers to those questions yourself by the time you were responsible for guiding other little humans through their own existential discovery. They will make you feel like a fraud for the things you don't know, and an idiot for the things you didn't even think to ask.

And perpetually, you will find yourself reminded that, when it comes down to it, parenting is little more than the blind leading the only-slightly-more-blind, and the best any of us can ever do, when it comes to our kids' questions, is to enjoy the rare moments when we do have a concrete answer to give, and are actually able to provide some new, tiny bit of certainty in their rapidly forming world—and to work our asses off at pretending we know the answers to questions that still baffle us. Even if our kids can't have the benefit of having a parent who knows it all, they will have the comfort and security of believing they have a parent who knows it all.

Also, we really need to figure out a way to get our kids the hell out of the bathroom with us. Seriously, that would remedy a lot of this awkward questioning. Until then, hey! Let's laugh at other people's kids and the *facepalm* questions they've asked:

"Mama, where is your penis?" - Micah, 3

"Do kids die?" - Megan, 4

"What is sex trafficking?" - Aaron, 7

"Mom, can I stick my head in your vagina? I wanna see what your uterus looks like, 'cause I can't remember!" - James, 6

"Is my daddy going to pick me up?" - Serena, 4, whose father had not been around in over 8 months

"Does everybody's skin start to fall off like yours when they get old?" - Michael, 6, to his great-grandmother

"Daddy, can you do this?" - Max, 4, naked and pulling on his penis

"Can I wipe your pee pee off your vagina, Mommy?" - Margot, 2

"Can I eat my poop? It looks like chicken!" - Dani, 2

"What's that string?" - Lucy, 3, pointing at mom's tampon string while in the shower

"Why do you have fur and no wee-wee?" - Ariel, 4

"Mommy, why do you have hair down there and I don't?" - overheard in a public restroom because awkward parenting moments know no bounds

"Why do Grammy and Mema believe in god but you don't?" - Uma, 8

"why did you tell me Santa wasn't real?" - Emma, 6, right after asking her point blank if Santa was real

"Why won't his poop come off!?" - Willa, 3, while tugging on her cousin's penis while her mother changed his diaper

"Are you going to have another baby in your belly soon? I want another sister." - Mary, 5

Rocco, 5: "How does a baby get into a Mommy's tummy?"Mom: "A daddy puts it there."Rocco: "Where does a daddy get the baby?"Mom: "From God."Rocco: "Daddy, when did you meet God?"

"Did you know you have a big belly?" - Sam, 3, to his overweight uncle

"If dad dies, will you get married again?" - Rosie, 6 (Note from mom: "I was like, 'Dude, you are 6. And we are in the cheese aisle at Kroger.'")

"When will I grow tall enough to lick my penis?" - Jax, 4 (Note from mom: "I didn't have the heart to break it to him and just asked if he wanted more bubbles.")

"MOM, you have POOP in your underwear!!!" - Lisa, 2, looking at a used menstrual pad

"What does "sexy" mean?" - Rose, 6

"Are your boobs broke?" - Ashley, explaining to someone else's 3-year-old why should couldn't breastfeed her

"Mama, what does that song "Talk Dirty To Me" mean?" - Maris, 8

Images: Jessica Blankenship; Giphy(5)