43 Times John Boehner Looked Like He Just Buried a Dead Body

One is a 20- or 30-something investment banker working on Wall Street; the other is the 65-year-old Speaker of the United States House of Representatives. While the former moonlights as a serial killer, it's unclear what the other does during his off hours. And yeah, the one may be a fictional character created by author Bret Easton Ellis, and the other is John Boehner, but when you really think about it, he and Patrick Bateman are basically the same person. John Boehner is Patrick Bateman. OK, maybe he just really, really reminds me of Patrick Bateman. They're both rich, white men in positions of power. They both have that sort of stoic, slightly sociopathic, dead-behind-the-eyes look about them. And as gross as this is for me to say, they both have the chiseled features and piercing blue eyes of a blue-blooded American. So, you see, American Psycho could have totally been written about a young John Boehner. And if Ellis ever wanted to write a sequel to his infamous novel, he should have Patrick Bateman change career paths and get into politics, maybe get elected to Congress? He'd certainly have a pretty good muse. To prove my theory, here are 43 times real-life Patrick Bateman inspiration John Boehner looked like he just buried a dead body.

1.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Chainsaw or power drill tonight? Choices…”

2.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Omg, did I just say, ‘murder’? I meant to say ‘immigration.’”

3.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I wonder what people think of my b*tch face.”

4.

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I just don’t feel guilty. That’s normal, right?”

5.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Oh God, why does it smell like formaldehyde? Is that me?”

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I don’t see how anyone can sit through this State of the Union Address and not want to kill.”

7.

Drew Angerer/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“For once, I’d like someone to kill me, please.”

8.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Eenie, meenie, miney, mo…”

9.

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Lol, these jokers have no idea.”

10.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Oh no, the dark thoughts are creeping in again.”

11.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Don’t forget to get some Tide pens on your way home. That carpet stain’s not going to clean itself.”

12.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Maybe I should change my Hotmail handle to GhostfaceKillah.”

13.

Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Say ‘social fabric’ one more time, Obama.”

14.

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I’ll show you a proposal for population control.”

15.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Oh, McConnell … it would be so easy.”

16.

Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Should I kill both of them? Yeah, why not.”

17.

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Nobody understands John Boehner.”

18.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Hmm, where did I put victim #78 again?”

19.

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“You know, Charles Manson is just really misunderstood.”

20.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I love how spiffy I look, even after a really messy one.”

21.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Sigh. Killing is exhausting.”

22.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words, killing me softly with his song…”

23.

Rod Lamkey/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Why don’t people like me?”

24.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Ugh, I think I waited too long on the last body.”

25.

Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Obama, you have no idea how many close calls you’ve had.”

26.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Step aside, plebeians. I’m John Boehner.”

27.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“That last body was just so slippery!”

28.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I’ve got my steely, blue, completely-devoid-of-emotion eyes on you.”

29.

Rod Lamkey/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Why don’t people want to be my friend?”

30.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I can hear you, Cantor. Don’t make me do it.”

31.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Oh God, he smells like that guy I offed last week. What is that? Onions?”

33.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“These people … I can’t even.”

34.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Why don’t I feel anything? Like, ever?”

35.

Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I can’t believe the price of lye went up again.”

36.

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I’ll burn this whole building down, just watch me.”

37.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Phew, made it in time. That body took forever.”

38.

“I hope nobody digs up the ninth hole.”

Image: Keith Allison/Flickr

39.

Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Blood is a b*tch to wash out.”

40.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Am I going to lose sleep tonight? Probably not.”

41.

Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Hurry up with this meeting so I can go home and play with my new killing tools.”

42.

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“Hey, that guy kind of looks like last night’s victim.”

43.

T.J. Kirkpatrick/Getty Images News/Getty Images

“I certainly wouldn’t miss her.”