Last Thursday, Coldplay released a brand new track. "Miracles" was written and recorded for Angelina Jolie-directed WWII drama Unbroken, and it will play as the film's closing credits roll. When asked how "Miracles" came to be the song that will accompany the sounds of people shuffling out of their theater seats and stepping on discarded popcorn bags, frontman Chris Martin hit Vulture with an answer that will never leave my heart:
I got a message that said, 'Meet in this undisclosed location. You'll be blindfolded and picked up by seven ex–Navy SEALs. So they kidnapped me, hit me over the head, and sprayed me with Mace. When I woke up, I was in an office, and Brad Pitt was doing push-ups as Angelina Jolie was just sitting there with her crown on. There was also a guy holding a knife to my throat, and she said, 'Write me a song, or else.' And Brad Pitt said, 'Yeah. What she said.'
Beautiful. Just beautiful. His facetious response reads like an excerpt from a work of fanfic. OH, BOY. If Martin decided to write Brangelina fanfic, I’d read it so fast. (Someone please stop me before I write fanfic about Chris Martin writing Brangelina fanfic.)
The terrific kidnapping yarn spun by the rock star only supports what I’ve assumed for years: Chris Martin seems like a good hang. Dude is dry, is hilarious, is charming, isn't too serious, et cetera et cetera. Basically, I wish he was my bro. You hear me, Chris Martin?!?! I WANT TO BE BROS!
Here are six specific things that make me wish I was chummy with Chris "Fun Guy" Martin:
The Brangelina fanfic
Please see above.
This NSFW Howard Stern Show interview
Never stop talking about pubes, C-Mart.
This behind-the-scenes Simpsons clip
I just want to have a laugh with Chris Martin.
This mid-performance apology (another NSFW video)
This RiRi/1D clip
Praising Rihanna and One Direction? You've got me right in the palm of your hand, C-Mart.