The 'Home Alone' Burglars Would Have Died at Kevin's Hands, According To Science
It's officially the week of Christmas. What better time to find out that the Home Alone burglars would have died at Kevin's hands and your favorite mischievous holiday hero would have woken up to juvenile detention? Turns out all the tricks, traps, and household appliances that Kevin from Home Alone used against the Wet Bandit burglars would have given them a good month in the emergency room, if not a fate even more dire.
Back in 2012, a doctor from Weill Cornell Medical College named Ryan St. Clair analyzed the various debaucheries that went down in Home Alone, as well as what the medical ramifications, complications, and overall carnage would have amounted to. The results have been re-reported by ScienceAlert this year and in short, we're not drawn a particularly pretty picture.
Here are a few of Kevin's most egregious acts, broken down medically. Prepare to Christmas cringe. *Fa la la la laaaa...*
A Shot From A BB Gun Through The Dog Door
Let's start with an iconic scene: Kevin hunkers down in front of the dog door just waiting for the gangly burglar's smarmy little face to pop through, BB gun in hand. Kev shoots gangle-puss in the head from about a foot (if that) away.
According to St. Clair, though it looked seriously brutal, the shot was entirely survivable; it would have broken skin but not pierced the skull, meaning an awful headache at worst.
Swinging Paint Can Meets Wet Bandit Face
Ouchhh. I've always wondered how they didn't end up utterly conked out after that scene. Turns out they probably would have been in reality.
"That [hit] is easily enough to fracture multiple facial bones, and is probably going to knock you out cold," said St. Clair. "Also, I wouldn't expect either of the Wet Bandits to walk away from this with all of their teeth."
A Blast From A Blowtorch To The Skull
Perhaps the most painful injury to watch, as well as the most serious. In real life, our expert claims that it's likely poor old Harry would need a full skull transplant. Yeesh.
So, every hilariously dark injury combined, what was the doctor's final say?
"Seriously? At this point, Marv and Harry have both suffered potentially crippling hand and foot injuries. Harry has proved to be nearly impervious to burns, and both managed to retain consciousness after taking a flying paint can straight to the face...This movie was way more believable when I was 8."
Images: FOX (1); Giphy (3)