The most horrible thing of all about this season of American Horror Story? Not whatever was under Twisty's mask. Not Dandy's terrifying Tupperware massacre. And not even the fact that we were blessed with the presence of Matt Bomer, only to be robbed with him approximately 54 stabs later. No, instead, the most horrible thing about American Horror Story: Freak Show was just how long we had to wait between episodes during its winter hiatus. But fans of horror, gore, and Jessica Lange's glorious TV domination finally have reason to feel relief — American Horror Story: Freak Show returns this Wednesday, Jan. 7 with a new episode, "Magical Thinking," which centers on Elsa's move to Hollywood... and Neil Patrick Harris' move into the titular freak show as the company's new owner.
But since the episode is still one day away — and I don't have Harris' illusionist skills to conjure up "Magical Thinking" out of nowhere — you can whet your appetite for tomorrow's new American Horror Story: Freak Show with these 13 graphs that only true fans of Ryan Murphy's horrifically addictive franchise understand. Starting with the talk of this season: the fact that, as Murphy revealed, the entire American Horror Story universe is connected. The two seasons with the most overlap? Asylum and Freak Show, of course:
Another way they're connected? Via some terribly ridiculous accents:
But we all know the real reason you tune into AHS, and it sits somewhere between minotaur sex and Evan Peters' entire existence on the show:
Because what fan could ever resist this:
Speaking of Evan Peters:
He's hardly the only horror-prone hunk in the AHS universe:
A legacy that was continued on in Freak Show:
And maddeningly absent in Coven. Was Hank the best you could do?!
But Hank is not the only thing about the franchise that makes true fans say WTF:
In fact, in the latter half of ever season, we find ourselves continually saying just that:
But AHS' complete ridiculata will always save its questionable conclusions:
As will, of course, Evan Peters:
So, most of all, the thing we know to be true: We'll watch every. Single. Episode. of every season, no matter how much our obsession scares us:
The thought that we wouldn't stick by AHS through thick and thinning plotlines?
Wednesday cannot come soon enough.