The Daily Show is back, and not two minutes into his first show of 2015, our host is already confused about what year it is. You know that roughly six-month adjustment period in which you date everything as the previous year? In the world of politics that fuzzy period works in reverse. On Monday's show, Jon Stewart set his eyes on 2016 presidential candidates and ultimately endorses a, well, lesser-known candidate.
Donning giant sparkly glasses, Stewart enthusiastically shouted a happy 2015 to the audience. He opened his arms wide, as if welcoming the wealth of new opportunities to expose and mock the utter failures of American democracy. Oh, what a year! What an exciting new chance for political asshattery!
Oh, but wait.
A quick cut of TV pundits announcing the arrival of 2016 splashed across the screen. The hangover from the dawn of the new year is barely a fading memory, and political wonks are already looking to next year for conversation fodder. One announcer declared, "2015 is really the start of 2016." So, in policy land, we just fast forwarded a year.
Confused yet? So is Stewart. But he was still prepared enough to switch out those glasses.
Yes, 2015 means that potential presidential candidates can get serious about their runs. Despite his brief confusion, Stewart recovered quickly and dived into the excitement with his segment, "Democalypse 2016: It beginnnnnssss!!!" So, who are we looking at, anyway?
As per usual, there are a few uhhhh-who? candidates. This year's crop includes former Virginia Democratic Sen. Jim Webb, who was the first candidate in either party to announce a presidential exploratory committee. Hm. Well, that's neat. Stewart was underwhelmed, too.
So not that we need other options for president, but please tell me that we have other options.
How about independent Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders? Nope, still not impressed. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie? Or retiring Fox News talking head and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who seems to believe that there is a "great deal of speculation" that he would run for president? Although there was some trolling to be done, Stewart tore through these goons with ease.
Stewart is tired of the pawns; he's ready for the headliner. And we all know who those are already. But even Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush haven't delivered official announcements yet. Stewart railed on and email blast from Clinton last week that bore the simple headline "Announcement." Was it her long-awaited announcement? Of course not. It was a fundraising letter for the Clinton Foundation.
What the ffff...Did you just fly all of your supporters down to Jamaica, get down on one knee in front of all of us and then just pick up a quarter and walk away?
Then he moved on to the major Republican contender (maybe), who has been on a "resignation frenzy" from various consulting ties and foundations. Stewart isn't pleased with the teasing.
You know, it's becoming harder and harder to tell the difference between someone running for president or joining a cult. 'I'm afraid that if I want to live in the big White House, I have to renounce all my earthly ties.'"
Stewart is ready for these would-be candidates to cut the crap, and we couldn't agree more. So Stewart made a drastic decision in the midst of all of this political gray space. He's throwing his support behind, drumroll please, Sen. Melvin Dickpictweet.
Who is obviously not real.
Welcome back, Jon Stewart. Whether it's 2015 or 2016, we'll be there with you.
Images: The Daily Show (3)