DIY Trend #5: Missoni's Impossible Cat-Eye from Milan Fashion Week Spring 2014

Gather round, gentle listeners, as I reveal to you the secretive, Illuminati-esque world of Bustle gchats:

Meredith Turits: LOOK AT THIS EYE FROM MISSONI AND TELL ME YOU DONT WANT TO DIE OF LOVELY

Tori Telfer: OMG WHATTT

Meredith Turits: RIGHT?!

Tori Telfer: reverse cat-eye??

Meredith Turits: IT'S SO GOOD

Tori Telfer: DIY PIECE perhaps?!

Meredith Turits: YES GOD YES

Tori Telfer: hahahaha YESSS

Meredith Turits: Like, is it doable WE SHALL SEE

In case all the caps lock and hidden references to Joyce's A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man were lost on you, let me sum it up: Meredith found the best/weirdest cat eye in the world from Milan Fashion Week, and I am now going to attempt it.

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This haunting Missoni cat-eye is "slightly Japanese in its essence and has a rounded-down shape," or so makeup artist Lucia Pieroni told WWD.

I've never been very good at the regular cat-eye, so a Japanese-inspired, downward-facing, pointy-inner-eye cat-eye? No problem! I went on a quick three-hour workout montage to pump myself up, then showered and made the sign of the cat-eye before I began.

About two minutes in, I was feeling good — no cramping, electrolyte levels high — when I begin to experience a major mental block. Not only was Missoni's cat eye really dark, it was really really close to, you know, the eyeball itself.

But I pressed on.

The bad thing about this eye is that you need a really steady hand and you need to get really close to your eyeball. The good thing is that it's a one-stop shop if you need a statement-making makeup look. You honestly don't even need mascara. Beginning at the outer corner of your eye, draw a thick line right along your upper lashes, and swoop it down into a point near your tear duct. Draw a thick line along the bottom quarter of your lash line and let it trail off into the lashes themselves. Fill in the sharp point along your tear duct with more eyeliner. And let's be realistic here, to get Missoni's razor-sharp point, you'd need some sort of professional makeup tool, like a runway makeup artist.

But enough instructional blather. The people want to know: DID SHE MAKE IT?

(Overcome with emotion.)

It can be done, people. It can be done. It doesn't take much — just grit, endurance, and the capacity to do thirty pull-ups in a row — but you, too, can achieve the impossible cat-eye. Now get out there. There ain't gonna be no rematch.