On the latest episode of the MTV series Catfish, we were introduced to Nick and Melissa, perhaps one of the more subdued relationship stories the show has seen thus far. Though it wasn't for lack of trying: Max and Nev had about 57,000 hypothetical theories about Melissa's true identity — ranging from "secret lesbian" and "possibly bi-sexual" to "double-timer" or "her boyfriend is totally fake!" The hopes were high for weird and unusual shenanigans.
Turns out, though, the situation with Melissa was neither — she was just another girl using the Internet to escape her everyday existence. One of the more shocking tidbits had to be that her relationship with boyfriend Olin was more of the open variety, and she was — shock of all shocks — more overweight than her photos let on. To which I say: what?! On the Internet? In 2013?! You don't say! That never happens.
But perhaps the most interesting thing about this couple in particular was this tiny nugget that was pushed aside: Nick and Melissa's totally curious and unexpected meet cute. No it was not just another "we met on Facebook" tale of tangled woe; turns out, it was their shared love of the early-aughts disasterpiece Tila Tequila that brought them together. The duo met on a fan page for the, uh, performer (?), where they left voicemails for Tequila that were apparently open to the public, and included your phone number. (That was a thing?)
Of course it was a thing though, because that's how the Internet works: it takes the weirdest aspects of society, throws them in a blender, and makes them open for public consumption. Which got us wondering, natch, about what other weird and wonderful Internetty meet cute scenarios exist. A Tila Tequila fan page can't be the only bizarre place people find love.
Catfish should look to one of these completely made up situations for the show's next couple...
Point-Dexter:After finding the very last website on the Internet, PointerPointer, a lonely dude named Dex happens upon a photo where a girl is pointing to a phone number. He texts it out of sheer boredom and a desire to mess with someone, and it turns out the pointer in the photo, Tara, is into it. A relationship blooms, but Tara's photos are old, and she's not exactly causing Dex to feel pointy down below. Will their love really last?!
Undead Fred:Fred has a bit of a problem. He truly believes he is one of the undead. After signing up for Zombie Passions he meets a total zombie groupie named Brad. The two strike up a digital relationship and find that sometimes the only thing you need to feel alive is a little bit of love. But will Fred's hangups about who he really is versus who he believes he is be a deal-breaker for Brad, who is also harboring a dark secret?
Death Race Double Catfish:So back in 2009 the website Till Death Do Us Part was launched with the hopes of finding love matches for (wait for it), terminally ill people. Though it doesn't exist anymore (probably because all their users, well... do I really need to make the joke here?), Connor and Christy were both members who took their relationship to other depths of the Internet, and are still in touch. They're in love, but there's a twist: both claimed to be dying due to their own insecurities about commitment and their looks, but are actually just two not-at-all terminally ill people. A not-at-all-dead serious double catfish!
Gettin' Pounced:Jared and Jemima are total horn dogs. Literally: they're both furries with a predilection for pooch-ware, according to their profiles on Pounced, where they met. The only problem? Jared actually has more of a thing for dolphins and he's afraid that even though he has feelings for Jemima as a person, her pug attire just won't do anything for him in the bedroom. Will these two be able to make it work? And will Jemima's dark secret (she's actually a corgi) be a deal-breaker?
REMCloud 9July and Ginger are two teenaged girls that have fallen in love with each others' dream lives thanks to REMCloud. Both from small, conservative towns with low tolerance levels, they've found comfort and support from each other in a cruel world. The only problem is that July is not at all who she says she is, and her secret (that instead of being a 17 year-old girl she's actually a he, and also a 45 year-old compulsive liar) will be a bombshell. Season finale.