Cadbury Creme Eggs Boxes Are Down One Egg, Effectively Ruining Easter (And, For That Matter, 2015)
Your favorite calorie/cavity/life trap is back. Yes, Cadbury Creme Eggs have returned, but now with one less egg in the pack and, for some consumers, a whole new taste. The more callous of you, dear readers, may think, "So what, who even eats those anyway?" But those who hold the goodness and creaminess of that very special egg that only comes at a very special time of year, will share in my outrage.
When Cadbury took to Facebook on Friday, it should have just been a triumphant return. We should have put down our salad forks and ran straight to the stores to buy the decadent Easter-time treat. Creme Egg enthusiasts would have been the ones shoving through the line with approximately 10,000 calories worth of chocolate eggs cradled lovingly in their arms. It is a truly magical time of year. Magical, and sometimes a little sad.
But instead, when the company posted its "totes emosh" return on Friday, it was met with social media broadcasted feelings of anger, betrayal, and, most of all confusion. The packs of six had now been reduced to five. Now, that doesn't seem like such a big deal, because as any Creme Egg lover knows you can also find them at the front of the store in individually-wrapped pods of fondant goodness. But here comes the outrage — the pack price hasn't changed, despite having one absent egg.
The very thing that made childhood great is now price-gouging us?!
But wait, it gets worse.
Details have emerged that Kraft, as it was known when it purchased Cadbury in 2010, has secretly changed the recipe for perfection. In a response to economic conditions, the miserly Mondelēz company (formerly known as Kraft) has swapped the dairy milk that it used for powdered crap that will surely ruin the integrity and innocence of the Cadbury Creme Egg.
OK, that's if you're in the UK. My Creme Egg Cronies stateside, I have bad news. We've actually been dealing with the recipe for a while. America has apparently been giving us powdered-milk eggs for years. But I will stand in outrage with my UK Eggheads and tell the American owners not to mess with our Easter treats.
Don't stand for this injustice. Next thing you know the Easter bunny will bring us peppermints or whatever was on sale by the check-out at Wal-Mart. There are ways to cut corners, but never cut them with Cadbury Creme Eggs.