Blake Lively Wants to Out-GOOP Gwyneth to Internet Lifestyle Domination
Blake Lively is starting an Internet company. Because of course she is, because it is 2013. Even though it's clear that she's never been on the Internet before. How can I say that? Well, because that's really the only explanation I can give as to why on earth she would tell Vogue that her new business venture was so unique and special like a rainbow-striped unicorn carrying a basket of kittens. "It's something that will be launching in a few months and that I'm really, really thrilled about," the actress and newly be-wifed Gossip Girl actress claimed to the British edition of the magazine. "The main element of it is that it's about storytelling and it's about living a very one-of-a-kind, curated life, and how to achieve that. There's nothing like it out there — it's without a genre." Man, Ryan Reynolds must be so proud of his trailblazing wife.
Because there is definitely no such thing as a curated life site, right? It's not like I just Googled that right now and got over 48 million search results back or anything, right? Or one-of-a-kind, which returns over 1.45 million results. Or that lifestyle company returns 110 billion search results. Sites like Cupcakes and Cashmere, UrbanDaddy, or the like definitely don't exist.
But she's a celebrity so that's totally different and genre-defying! So you mean it's not like Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP, or Beyoncé's Beyhive Blog or one of the 87 million, celebrity-fronted ShoeStyleBeautyBeachMint.com sites.
No! no way, that's totally impossible, you see, because Lively is a unique and ponderous snowflake, set adrift from the hallowed clouds hung high above the Upper East Side. And having lived a life that is all her own, she knows a thing or two about curating a life that is all her own, hand-plucked and sewn together into the tapestry of LIFE, you know what I mean?
Plus she got married in a place like Charleston, SC which is just so normal and not-at-all-Hollywood so like, she gets it. She sees a niche and she wants to fill it guys, is there anything wrong with that?
Except that when she says it to us, the readers on the very Internet she so speaks of, it reads as hollow and absurd because of course there are already sites like that on the Internet! The entire Internet is basically a curation of cutesy and curio, the random trip-trappings of life all jumbled together, hoping to find a home amongst the riffraff that so populates it. Meaning, we all laugh because as normals we know that it's tone-deaf and silly to make such a claim!
I mean really, it's like someone saying there are no websites for women on the Internet but not to worry, because you were going to create one and it'll be really unique and different and... oh. Right.