SPOILERS you guys! Aaron Paul has tweeted what the Breaking Bad finale will look like. Finally, the wait is over — who needs to actually watch a show to enjoy it, right? Speculation and discovering the answer is totally far more rewarding than experiencing!
Well OK so I kinda-sorta lied a little. But that's only because Aaron Paul would never actually, literally tell us the end of Breaking Bad because that would probably put him in violation of his Non-Disclosure Agreement and cost him millions of dollars. And Jesse's been through enough, you guys. He doesn't need to be sued by AMC and piss off Vince Gilligan in the process, duh.
So instead, Paul grabbed a gaggle of his favorite emoji friends and set out to tell the sad and salty tale of the fall of Heisenberg (at least we hope it's the fall because jeez that monster right?) all proper-like. Which is great for us impatiently anxious types because now that means we have something new to dissect and pull apart! HOORAY MORE BREAKING BAD THINGS! The pageview gods are just tickled over the development.
It's clearly going to be epic — every single actor and even showrunner Vince Gilligan himself has alluded to such — with most folks comparing it to a holocaust, everybody-dies, mega-insane clusterfuckery of nutso drug stuff. Because for a show this anxiety-inducing, this fresh, this batshit crazy, it could go no other way, really. The Ballad of Heisenberg is a dirge.
So, being that we are of the
- 9 guns
- 11 cigarettes
- 9 pills
- 9 needles
- 10 broken hearts
- 9 bombs
- 9 skulls
- 4 baths
- 9 walking dudes
- 4 running dudes
- 5 keys
- 7 fires
- 5 sunshine
- 1 diamond
- ...and a sad-faced emoji dude
So what in Custard's Last Stand could this all mean? Well, DUH: it's TOTALLY OBVIOUS: The 9 guns and 9 skulls represent the 9 people that are going to die. There will be more walking than running, which will probably be stressful for us, causing the audience to burst into flames at least 7 times.
We're going to be broken-hearted 10 times, but those deaths and heartbreaks will culminate into 5 key moments to unlocking another metaphorical door in Walter White's way. Skyler's probably going to take a couple baths, Walt will try to use that ricin pill a few times only to have it backfire (7 times?).
Five people will get happy endings. One of which will be Huell, who ends up taking care of Holly (the one shining diamond in Walt's lie) after he realizes that all of his friends are dead.
Of course, the final heartbreak will be the audience's realization that the one show that finally made them able to hold a conversation with most other humans is over. Oh yeah, and Jesse's probably going to die and I'm going to be really, really upset about it because UGH UNFAIR TV WORLD THAT YOU ARE. SO COLD, SO CRUEL.