In the Season Four finale episode of HBO's Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw struts up to a shop window, peers inside, and infamously exclaims, "Hello, lover!" to the pair of pink strappy sandals glimmering back at her. While the episode never shows Carrie's actual transaction, viewers can imagine she hopped on into the shop, asked to try the pair of heels on in a size 7, slipped them right on, swiped her credit card, and went on her merry way.
Never in my life have I experienced a seamless Carrie shoe-shopping moment like that. In fact, the most memorable shoe-shopping experience I've had in my life took place in Bologna, Italy, where upon telling the shopkeeper my size, she frowned at me and suggested I chop off my toes. Because unlike Carrie and millions of women worldwide who have a manageable foot size, I do not. I was blessed with whopping size 11 boats — I mean ... feet.
For me, shoe shopping is a personal nightmare; the second circle of Dante's Inferno where I spend my time lusting after shoes I would love to own, but can't manage to squeeze my dolphin fins into. If you find yourself nodding your head up and down as you read this, snapping in agreement, and shouting "preach" at your computer screen, chances are, your feet are equally as large. Human feet keep getting bigger, but that doesn't mean having large feet isn't still without its own particular struggle.
Here are the top eight struggles of having big feet that only women truly understand.
1. Having Your Style Unfairly Limited
2. Missing Out On Being Able To Share Shoes
Unless you got your genes from your momma, your feet are probably at least two sizes larger than your mom's, sister's, female friends', and basically anyone you know. Your basic right as a female to steal shoes from the other females in your life is shattered to pieces. On the bright side, there's always Dad's closet ... right?
3. Not Having Your Own Designated Sale Section
When you go to a department store and there is a sale in the shoe department, there are usually sections of racks arranged in order of size. Well, for us bigfeet, sizes 9-11 are usually clumped together in one measly section in the back — if there even is a section for us. Most of the shoes in the section are misplaced and aren't even our size anyway. No discounts for you! Forget about looking for sizes over an 11 on sale — you most likely have to order online. Which brings me to....
4. Having To Hear "We Can Order It For You!" Over And Over Again
5. Never Getting To Wear European Shoes
6. Facing Embarrassment Every Time You Go Bowling
Or snorkeling, or rock climbing, or ice skating. Essentially, any time you need to rent shoes to do an activity, you have to tell the shoe attendant that you are a size Bigfoot. "Come again?" "Yes, you heard me correctly. I need a size 11. No, I don't want to wear men's flippers." I know, I know. Why rent fins when you already have your own?
7. Trying To Shove Your Feet Into Smaller Shoes
8. Realizing Your Foot Doesn't Even Fit Properly On The Stairs
When you thought that life with big feet couldn't get more difficult,
you walk up the stairs and realize your whole foot doesn't fit on the
step, so you have to walk on your toes. While it feels like Darwinism is
trying to weed you out via stair size, you make up for the daily pain
with your newly-sculpted calves.
There it is, ladies and gentlemen. The silver lining to big feet? Knowing how to be comfortable in your own shoes — no matter how big they are.
Images: fotolia; Giphy