13 Pop Songs About Anal Sex That You Never Realized Are About That, But That Definitely Are, Maybe
If you don't think every second song is about anal sex then you're not paying close enough attention. Basically every hook in pop music ever can be construed to mean anal sex. It doesn't mean that they are actually about anal sex, it just means that we, as a society, are very, very immature. Or maybe I am. I don't know anymore. Let's just say that I definitely am immature and think everything is about anal sex, and the rest of society might or might not be on my (very low) level. Either way, you can read whatever you want into lyrics, and put them though your gutter mind to make them sound as dirty as possible. But these songs on this list, well, they're definitely about anal sex. At least I'm sure they are, and by the end of this list, you will be too.
Some are obvious, like Grace Jones imploring a man to pull up to her "bumper"—it even has the word "bum" in it! It doesn't get much more blatant than that. And then are are some that you have to peer between the cracks, albeit not too deeply, to find the anal messages. If you would do anything for love (but not that) or like to put it in the back door when the front door is on cycle, then you'll understand the meaning of these songs all too well. Here are 13 pop songs that are probably (definitely) about anal sex.
1. "I Want It That Way" - Backstreet Boys
"'Cause we are two worlds apart...I never wanna hear you say, 'I want it that way,'" might sound like some emo Romeo and Juliet melodrama to some people, but what it really sounds like to most of us is that someone doesn't want to put it in the stinker after they were asked politely.
2. "Sweat" - Inner Circle
You might think this is a romantic song about a guy who spies a girl across the bar and wants to stare into her eyes, but upon closer inspection, said male is actually "Looking in your big brown eye", aka, an ass. He is looking in her ass. And then it gets a little bit uncomfortable and rapey when he says that if she cries, he's just going to "push it some more". This is some Robin Thicke level creepiness. Luckily for Inner Circle, this all went down long before the Internet "rape language" police were around to (rightfully) tear these kinds of things to shreds.
3. "I'd Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" - Meatloaf
Another dude refusing to do anal. And society would have you thinking it was women who weren't into the backdoor loving! I also just realized this could be an intensely homophobic song, which isn't nearly as fun as thinking about Meatloaf negotiating with his girlfriend that he'd do anything else other than give/take it up the butt.
4. "Knockin' At Your Back Door" - Deep Purple
Aside from the fact that this song is deeply misogynistic and slut-shaming, the reasoning for "knocking at the back door", i.e., having anal sex, is pretty hilarious: "It's not against the law".
5. "Pull Up To The Bumper" - Grace Jones
Bumper = ass. Also note, Grace Jones is the only person in history that makes "Pull up to my bumper baby/ In your long black limousine/ Pull up to my bumper baby/ And drive it in between" sound sexy.
6. "Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
PSA: Relax is not about having a low-key weekend or how you should feel very namaste after some yoga. It is about loosening your sphincter in order to proceed with anal sex acts. And now you know.
7. "Hey Mickey" - Toni Basil
In which Toni Basil declares "Any way you want to do it, I'll take it like a man", which we can safely assume means up the butt. This song is way dirtier than you think ("Don't leave me in the damp, Mickey"!), and you certainly should not have been allowed to dance around to it when you were in high school. Someone really let the ball drop on that one.
8. "Otherside" - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
There's two main "sides" in sex. One is the front side, and the otherside is the backside. That's where Anthony Kiedis is going to take it.
9. "Whole Lotta Love" - Led Zeppelin
May I draw your attention primarily to the unmistakable lyric towards the end of the song, "I wanna be your backdoor man." Mmm hmm. I bet you do.
10. "My Moon, My Man" - Fiest
Fiest has such a sickeningly sweet voice you'd be mistaken for thinking she doesn't do filthy things like crave it in the pooper. If you really listen to "My Moon, My Man," you'll find the song is about Fiest having her period and wanting her lucky boyfriend to put it in her "moon". Lyrics include, "My moon's white face/ What day and what phase/ It's the calendar page again," and "My moon and me/ Not as good as we've been/ It's the dirtiest clean I know," just in case you had any doubt about my hypothesis. Moon means butt. Just to be even clearer.
11. "Hurts So Good" - John Mellencamp
From what I can ascertain from this song, it's about the protagonist being told not to be gay as a boy, but loving "those young boy days" anyway, and wanting the lady in his adult life to sex him in the anus, because "Sometimes love don't feel like it should/ You make it hurt so good."
12. "Erotica" - Madonna
Are you even surprised that Madonna talks about putting it in her partner's butt in a song called "Erotica"? She sings, "If I take you from behind/ Push myself into your mind/ When you least expect it/ Will you try and reject it," which, if I'm going to be honest, seems questionable from a consent perspective; I know I'd be LIVID if someone tried to put anything in my bum without first asking.
13. "Ring of Fire" - Johnny Cash
I always thought this was about eating Indian food but then I realized it could just as easily be about having anal sex with someone who ate Indian food.