'Hostages': Hostages, Affairs, Maybe-Murders, Oh My!

Whew, buddy. Monday night's Hostages was exhausting. Like, this show doesn't come up for air. I will say that Toni Collette's hair looked flawless all episode. As we learned last week, Dr. Ellen Sanders must either kill POTUS or face terrible consequences. An example one such consequence: this week, Ellen was forced to implant GPS devices under her family members' skin. So gross. Dylan McDermott's Duncan Carlisle is such a Jigsaw! It's only episode two, and I have a sneaking suspicion things will only get crazier from here on out.

The mayhem begins, or should I say, bag-ins with a burlap sack over Ellen's head. Duncan and his buddies are PISSED OFF about the ol' blood thinner prank she pulled. When Duncan removes the bag from Ellen's head, she sees her family tied up with blindfolds over their eyes and duct tape over their mouths. Aaaand the Hostage Squad has guns on 'em. Oh, Hostages! You've done it again. Duncan is like, "hey Sophie, make your choice and kill one of your family members." Ellen takes the gun and basically says, "eat lead, DUNCAN" and attempts to shoot Duncan. Fortunately for Duncan, the safety is on. He then pretends to shoot Brian/Jimmy Cooper to shake some fear into Ellen, I guess. Duncan, you sassy molasses, you!

POTUS & Co. are none too pleased with the blood thinner business, so they're like, "get all involved parties on speakerphone, er, polygraph test." Duncan decides Ellen's friend and coworker Angela will take the blame in order to divert the attention from Ellen/prevent anyone from investigating the ongoing hostage sitch. Next thing you know, Archer (of the Hostage Squad) is hitting on Angela in a bar and then Angela goes missing. However, authorities find her car and an apparent suicide note admitting to the blood thinner ish. Is she dead for realzies? Duncan plays it up like she is, but I don't believe it for five seconds. I know our Duncan too well.

In salacious news: Jimmy Cooper's mistress, Samantha, won't stop texting(!!!), so Hostage Squad Sandrine takes him to visit her. To prevent the mistress from getting suspicious, obviously. Jimmy Cooper and Samantha do their affair thing, Sandrine listens via the chip implanted by Ellen, and I hide my head between my couch cushions until the scene is over.

Sanders kids update time! Morgan's standout moment of the week: when she asks Ellen why she didn't just kill President Kincaid. Jeez, Morgan. What's your damage? Oh wait, you're not so bad. Jake is much worse. He and his family might be held hostage right now, but that doesn't matter to Jake. Drug dealer Nico wants his drug money, so Jake can't be bothered with things like tracking devices, guns pointed at his face, or his mom being responsible for the President's life. Jake tries to steal money from his dad's credit card, but Hostage Squad Kramer is like, "dumb idea, dude."

In case you were wondering, it didn't take much for Ellen to pass that damned polygraph test next. GOOD RIDDANCE, given that Duncan went through all of the trouble of training her how to pass a poly-t, as well as maybe (but probably not) killing Nurse Angela. So it'd be a shame if Ellen didn't pass with flying colors.

Photo: David Giesbrecht/CBS