7 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Hotel Experiences For The Ultimate Fan...Or Anyone Else, For That Matter

I may not personally be a huge Fifty Shades of Grey fan, but I can appreciate a good luxury hotel experience — so it's probably not surprising that I get a huge kick out of the many, many Fifty Shades of Grey-themed vacation packages many hotels offer these days. To be fair, some of these hot and heavy hotel packages have been around for a while — I first started hearing about them a few years ago, when the book series' popularity was (arguably) at its height — but given that A) Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and B) the movie is set to hit cinemas soon, now seems like as good a time as any to revisit a few of them. Am I right, or am I right?

Are they over the top? Heck yes. But that's what makes them sound so amusing even to those who aren't interested in Fifty Shades of Grey itself: They're exactly the sort of luxury most of us don't experience on a daily basis, but which we all enjoy in very small doses. As you might imagine, helicopter rides and adult toys are recurring themes in most of these hotels' offerings; the scenery varies from location to location, though, and each one has a unique touch all its own. So whether you're interested in a vacation or a staycation (have you ever played tourist in your own town? It's fun — I promise), you might find a little bit of indulgence is just what Mr. Grey ordered.

Image: YouTube

The Heathman Hotel, Portland, OR

Where else to begin but at the hotel that features so prominently in the book? Portland’s Heathman Hotel began offering their Fifty Shades of Grey packages back in 2012; they range from simple (champagne and a necktie) to the elaborate (a helicopter tour of the city)… all of which pale in comparison to the mother of them all: The six-night, seven-day “Fifty Shades of Oregon” VIP package, which also ropes Stephanie Inn and Timberline Lodge into the action.

Image: Merelymel13/Flickr

Eventi, New York, NY

Eventi, located in New York’s Chelsea neighborhood, has a pretty impressive-sounding Fifty Shades of Grey Valentine’s Day package right now: Your suite will come with a bottle of Veuve Clicquot; an amenity kit from Babeland; a whole bunch of edible aphrodisiacs (hello, chocolate-covered strawberries!); and a 50-minute couples massage; and to top it all off, you’ll get a $200 credit to either La Perla or Agent Provacateur, as well as two tickets to the Museum of Sex.

Image: Eventi Hotel/Facebook

Ink48, New York, NY

Like Eventi, Ink48 is a Kimpton hotel; as such, it offers the same Fifty Shades V Day package. Check it out here.

Image: Scott Beal/Flickr

Nira Caledonia, Edinburgh, Scotland

Scotland may seem like a long way to go in order to have a Fifty Shades hotel experience, but for one called “Fifty Plaids of Wa-hay,” it might be worth it. The two-night stay includes all the bells and whistles you’d expect, as well as a tasting menu full of aphrodisiacs created just for you, round-the-clock butler service, and what’s described on the hotel’s website as a “little black box of Fifty Shades of Grey goodies.” You had me at “round-the-clock butler service.”

Image: Nira Caledonia/Facebook

The Edgewater Hotel, Seattle, WA

The Edgewater’s package goes by the name “No Grey Area”… by which they mean every area is a Grey area (har har). Like many of the other packages we’ve looked at, a helicopter tour, champagne, and aphrodisiacs are the main events; however, it also includes the use of an Audi R8 Spyder for the day. That is one pretty car, my friends.

Image: The Edgewater/Facebook

Eden Roc, Miami Beach, FL

Don’t fancy going up to Seattle or Portland this time of year? Head down to Miami Beach instead. Eden Roc’s “Fifty Shades of Romance” Valentine’s Day package will treat you right with chocolate covered strawberries, a pair of “Red Room of Pain” cocktails, a shopping experience at Eberjey lingerie boutique, tickets to Fifty Shades of Grey at Regal Cinemas South Beach, and a whole bunch of fun toys that will magically appear in your room after turndown. Also, there’s a “Laters, Baby” Do Not Disturb sign for your door. I think that’s hilarious.

Image: V&V Hospitality & Media Group/Flickr

Kensington Park Hotel, San Francisco, CA

Kensington Park Hotel, as well as Diva Hotel and Hotel Union Square (all of them are Personality hotels), recently brought back its “Fifty Shades of Women… Come Again” package. The add-on treats you to a wide variety of adult delights, including a Minna Limon vibrator, Feel Me Bondaids handuffs, and Madame’s Mystique paddle. Even better? Each package booked results in a $10 donation to the Breast Cancer Emergency Fund — because, as the hotel notes, “it’s all about give and take.”

Image: berylbyrd/Flickr