22 Anti-Valentine's Day Gifts For The Unlucky In Love, And Anyone Else Who Hates This Annoying, Made-Up Holiday

Valentine's Day is upon us — and if your relationship status is eating a whole pizza by yourself, you probably feel pretty meh about celebrating romantic love right now (trust me, I get it). But never fear, because the purveyors of fine handmade goods over at Etsy have stocked their digital shelves with loads of gallows humor gifts to help you and your cynical heart celebrate anti-Valentine's Day, aka Singles Awareness Day, aka February 14, aka the actual Valentine's Day for lovers, aka WTF WHY AM I CRYING AGAIN?!

So you're unlucky in love right now — who's not at some point or another? Buy yourself some lighthearted schwag for your dark night of the soul, and just keep on keepin' on, princess. Next year this time, you're not going to even remember who you were crying about. Plus... I love you!

Image: GinnyPenny/Etsy

by Courtney Kocak

Broken Heart Necklace

Now you can wear your broken heart on the OUTSIDE, too. Perfect for a casual brunch with your girlfriends or a first date!

Anatomical Broken Heart Necklace, $45, Etsy

Don't Worry... Digital Print

Everything is under control… 100 percent totes fine… A-OK… AHHHHHHHHH!!!

Don’t Worry… Digital Print, $12, Etsy

Boyfriend Fridge T-Shirt

My fridge is the best I’ve ever had.

Boyfriend Fridge T-Shirt, $31, Etsy

We Go Together Like Tuna Fish & Cigarettes Snarky Card

It’s like, I know mercury poisoning and lung cancer can kill me, but it’s still my fave combo! :’(

We Go Together Like Tuna Fish & Cigarettes Snarky Card, $5, Etsy

(Anti) Valentine's Day Skull Earrings

So cute, so morbid, so YOU.

(Anti) Valentine’s Day Skull Earrings, $6, Etsy

Broken Hearted Pillow Plushie Decoration

This is the saddest, most pathetic thing ever. Do yourself a favor: buy it, and let it take over for you in that department.

Broken Hearted Pillow Plushie Decoration, $14, Etsy

Cupid Is Stupid Party Wine Glass

You are single and this is your pimp chalice, so fill ‘er up, pour your humanity down the drain, and cruise Tinder for some hoes! Or just cheers to this being the worst year of your life and take comfort in the fact that it can only get better from here (my personal pref).

Cupid Is Stupid Party Wine Glass, $12+, Etsy

Love Curse Voodoo Doll

I have a sneaking suspicion someone already bought this in my honor…

Love Curse Voodoo Doll, $44, Etsy

Blue F*OFF Choker Necklace

This sweet conversation heart choker will tell everyone how much you hate love, and you don’t even have to open your mouth! Or go with these “Whatever” heart earrings if your feelings have downgraded to just plain jaded.

Blue F*OFF Choker Necklace, $18, Etsy

Forget Love I'd Rather Fall In Chocolate Pallet Sign

Cuz falling in chocolate is a lot less messy than falling in love.

Love and Chocolate Pallet Sign, $35, Etsy

I Donut Need You T-Shirt

Send a clear message to your ex that you’re working on yourself — and your mid-section — and IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT HE DESSERTED YOU, because you donut need that fool anymore!

I Donut Need You T-Shirt, $15, Etsy

Baltimore Breakups: A Pop-Up Memoir Zine

Artist Julia Arredondo depicts four of her worst breakups while living in Baltimore in this 10-page hand drawn B&W pop-up zine — a delightful reminder that tragedy + time = comedy… or at least mild amusement.

Baltimore Breakups: A Pop-up Memoir Zine, $25, Etsy

Feeping Creatures Anti-Valentine Monster Card

Cool 2-D depiction of my last relationship.

Feeping Creatures Anti-Valentine Monster Card, $6, Etsy

Broken Heart Nesting Doll

Crossed out eyes, stitched closed mouth, broken heart, AND made out of felt? Don’t mind if I do.

Broken Heart Nesting Doll, $5, Etsy

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band Necklace

This kitschy pendant is the way to go because long after your broken heart is healed, the Beatles will still be good. #noregrets

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band Necklace, $13, Etsy

My Bookshelf Is My Boyfriend Bookmark

…sorry, got distracted imagining what it would be like to literally have sex with a book. Ouch.

My Bookshelf Is My Boyfriend Bookmark, $9, Etsy

"Go Away" Coffee Mug

My thoughts exactly.

Grumpy Morning Coffee Mug, $20, Etsy

Anti-Valentine Cookies

If you order a dozen cookies that say “Forever Alone” and eat them all yourself, you won’t feel lonely anymore, right?

Anti-Valentine Cookies, $16, Etsy

Hate and Love Fingerless Gloves

Hey, no one can call you a hater, you’re simply trying to achieve balance.

Hate and Love Fingerless Gloves, $60, Etsy

Sad Robot Plush with a Broken Heart

Oh my god, yes! Only love can break a robot’s heart. Samesies, tin man, samesies.

Sad Robot Plush with a Broken Heart, $50, Etsy

Hole in My Heart and Butcher Knife Charm Necklace

If I got into a scuffle about contractual obligations and had to change my name to a symbol RIGHT NOW, this would be it. Prince was the “Love Symbol,” and I would be this butchered heart.

Hole in My Heart and Butcher Knife Charm Necklace, $27, Etsy

Zombie Chompers and Heart Soap Sandwich

Eat your heart out, these zombie chompers just won anti-Valentine’s Day!

Zombie Chompers and Heart Soap Sandwich, $7, Etsy