When I was shopping for a Valentine's Day gift for my boyfriend this year, I wasn't quite sure where to start at first. Sure, there's all your typical options, but I wanted something a little more personalized. And then it hit me: Where does one go when looking for something engraved/unique/bizarre? Etsy, of course. After a few days of searching through the site, I finally found what I was looking for — but not before sifting through dozens and dozens of totally weird Valentine's Day gift ideas that made me tilt my head to the side and ask, "Wait, no. Really?" Some were scary, some made me laugh, and some just had me generally concerned for the seller (and potential buyers, for that matter).
It's true that Valentine's Day is really different for everyone. Some people hate it, some people love it, and some people use it as an excuse to just increase their already-high number of super bitter social media posts. But whether you're spending this year's holiday with someone new, a long-term sweetheart, or just hanging out by yourself with seven bags of candy (honestly, that's the best option), these 15 off-the-wall Etsy ideas are bound to make you cringe-laugh a little.
1. This Prince Greeting Card
I don't know about you, but when I think of Prince, I think of a super mysterious magical voodoo man who happens to play music really well, but generally kind of frightens me. Yes, everyone loves Prince, but isn't it because we're all kind of scared of him? I think so. Nothing about him makes me think of Valentine's Day. Ruling the world and being better than all of us mere mortals? Yes. Love and romance? No.
Prince Unique Valentine's Day Card, $4.50, etsy.com
2. Beetle Backpack
Someone please help me understand this. Please.
Leather Backpack For Men, $435, etsy.com
3. Olaf Frozen Infinity Scarf
"The cold never bothered me anyway..." You knew that was coming, right? I love Frozen as much as the next girl, but this is where I would have to draw the line.
Olaf Infinity Scarf, $15, etsy.com
4. English Bull Dog Felt Handbag
Like English Bull Dogs? Now you can wear them. There's a Valentine's Day sale for this one, too, by the way. It was originally almost $200. Make of that what you will.
Felted handbag, $171, etsy.com
5. Kama Sutra Cookie Set
Yes, really. This actually exists. At first glance I thought, "man, those cookie people are scary," and then I realized "OH MY GOD SOMEONE ACTUALLY CREATED COOKIES THAT ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER." 10/10 for creativity, and also 10/10 for being generally disturbing.
Kama Sutra Cookie Set, $23, etsy.com
6. A Portrait Made Out Of Sticks and Stones
Just say no, guys. Ok? Take your SO on a camping trip instead.
Sticks and Stones Portrait, $77.83, etsy.com
7. Gun Soap
If you're buying your partner soap in the shape of hand guns, maybe think about that fact for a second and go from there. Red flag? Perhaps. But, hey, what's basic personal hygeine without a little added violence, right?
Gun Soap, $7.75, etsy.com
8. Dog Poop Soap
Is this worse or better than the mini gun soap? I'm really not sure.
Dog Poop Soap, $6.95, etsy.com
9. Texas Rangers Lingerie
I believe this little number speaks for itself. Go Rangers.
MLB Lingerie, $44.50, etsy.com
10. Crocheted Underwear
Not the most versatile of undergarments, but it seems like it'd keep you pretty warm. Like a knit beanie for your lady parts.
Women's Crocheted Underwear, $36, etsy.com
11. This Wildly Inappropriate Card
Card, $4.69, etsy.com
12. Sloth Card
Sloth Love Card, $3.91, etsy.com
13. Interstellar Card
OK, well you at least have to appreciate the effort here.
Interstellar Card, $4, etsy.com
14. Valentine's Day Print
Do people just really like receiving slightly scary stuff on holidays about love? Am I missing something?
Animal Portrait, $35, etsy.com
15. Emrbryo Pendant
There's a lot to take in here, so let me just explain for you. Yes, that is a tiny embryo holding a heart. Yes, you can wear it on a necklace. Yes, the shop is called 'Feti.' Yes, there is also another holiday embryo that is wearing a Santa hat. I'll let you just process all of that.
Happy Heart Embryo Pendant, $14, etsy.com
Images: Etsy (15)