11 Ways To Be An Excellent Sleeping Partner

by Kat George

Not everyone is great to sleep with. Nights with some people means non-stop farting, snoring, and tossing and turning. Theses things do not make an excellent sleeping partner, which is a bummer since a lot of them are not really things that can be helped. Still, no one wants to be kept awake all night by the person they're sleeping next to, whether it's a friend, family member or romantic partner. Snoozing is arguably the most important thing a person can do (next to eating), so if you can be a great sleeping partner, you've satisfied about fifty percent of your compatibility with someone. Yeah, honesty and laugher are great too, obviously, but even those things mean less when your significant other is cranky at you because they didn't get a wink of sleep.

It's understandable that you can't control everything that you do while you're sleeping. You are unconscious, after all. But there are certainly steps you can take to ensure you optimize yourself as an enjoyable person to sleep next to. I have to tell you though: if you're a terrible sleeper, you're probably going to be terrible to sleep next to. It doesn't make you a dud, it just means you have to try extra hard with your sleeping practices, so that the people you enjoy passing out next to enjoy passing out next to you too.

1. Don't hog the blankets

Even distribution of blankets is essential to two people sleeping soundly. When you first lay down to get some shut-eye, start with an equal amount of blanket. And if you get woken up in the middle of the night because you've unconsciously stolen them all, don't be bitter! Just give half back!

2. Be naked

If you're sleeping with someone you also have sex with, ditch the pajamas. Everyone loves sleeping next to a sexy naked body, and you literally have to do nothing (seriously, you don't need to put on clothes) and you're making someone's night.

3. ...Or don't be naked

On the flip side, if you're sleeping next to someone you don't have sex with, be clothed. They'll appreciate it.

4. Don't snore

It's pretty impossible to stop yourself from snoring if you're a hardcore snorer. But you can be less of a Snorlax by taking steps to remedy your earth shaking breathing. Sleep on your belly, if you find that helps. Go see a doctor about it (seriously, it could be a health risk). Buy your sleeping buddy ear plugs. Be aware of your loudness when sleeping and do your best to remedy it.

5. No touching

Some people don't like being touched while they're sleeping, so don't try and cuddle up on someone who doesn't want to be cuddled up on. If you ask me, sleeping is "alone time" and when you're doing it in the same bed as someone else, space is the best option for a restful night.

6. ...Or be cuddly

But if the person you're sleeping with likes cuddles, give some. You can always do the old Ross Geller "hug and roll" technique if you need your space after they fall asleep.

7. Stick to your half of the bed

When you're sleeping alone, you can take up a whole bed. When you're sleeping with someone else, you get exactly half a bed. No sleeping in the middle of the bed. No spread eagling. Being a good sleeping partner is all about understanding and conforming to the equitable division of bed space.

8. Be up for it in the morning

If your sleeping parter is your significant other, it's always fun to be up for some morning nookie, stale breath and all. It's obviously not going to happen every single day (ain't nobody got time for that), but when you can, go for it. It's a great way for everyone to start the day!

9. If you can't sleep, don't fidget

If you can't sleep, it doesn't mean no one else should be able to. If you've got a case of insomnia, get up and leave the room, don't lay awake in bed tossing and turning and fidgeting and generally being annoying and keeping the other person awake too.

10. Try to keep your farts contained under the covers

Everyone farts in their sleep. It's prime farting time and there's nothing you can do about it but pray that the other person sleeps through your night rippers. The best you can do is make sure your ass is covered or wrapped in the blanket/sheet before you fall asleep, in order to muffle the sound but more importantly absorb some of the smell.

11. Drool discreetly

If you're a drooler, do it on the pillow, and remember to wipe when you wake up. The last thing an excellent sleeping partner does is drool all over the person their sleeping next to, or on an area the other person might accidentally roll onto.

Photos: Joe St. Pierre/Flickr; Giphy (6)