Urban Outfitters Is Opening A Hotel For Rich People Who Hate Cheescake Factory

ByCandace Bryan

Have you ever wondered why the cheaply made polyester garments sold at Urban Outfitters cost so much? Well I've found an answer! Urban Outfitters has been saving up money so it can open a hotel (nay, a "lifestyle experience") in a Pennsylvania suburb.

The development will be a haven for the wealthy, and will therefore be classier than it's peers. As the company puts it, “When you see a lifestyle center you often see a Chico’s, a J. Crew, a Cheesecake Factory. That’s not what we’re about. We wanted to take this really unique environment and mix it with the right tenants to create a consistent experience, a place where people will want to come and stay for a while.”

Instead of gross things like Chico's and fatty foods, the Urban Outfitters "lifestyle experience" will include a boutique hotel, two restaurants, a specialty foods market, a health/spa facility, a boutique fitness studio, a garden center, and an Anthropologie store.

Sound pretentious, right? Well wait until you hear the details of construction.

Urban says they plan to use a “reclaimed natural materials, found-objects approach” to construction, and will have the hotel made with Amish stonemasons. “Our attention to detail and authenticity is bar none," says the chief development officer. "Everything will look like it’s been there a long time.”

Uh... that's a bizarre priority. But my question is if this is a better idea or worse idea than trying to sell booze at their stores in Brooklyn.