A bad breakup can leave you feeling like a shell of yourself. But as I always say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else! Or, at least, get across from someone else at a dinner table and flirt with them. It sounds ridiculous but it's true. Obviously, time heals wounds better than anything else we've come up with, and breaking up with someone it doesn't mean you have to be out the next weekend grinding up on whatever you can get your hands on. Mourning time following the dissolution of a relationship is important too; but once you've got all the tears and red wine-stained lip bedroom karaoke to Adele out of your system, you need to get back on the proverbial horse. And that means dating.
At this point, you probably don't want to jump into another relationship. A bruised heart doesn't exactly make for a happy bedfellow. That's why we have this magical little thing called "The Rebound". Rebound lovers are fast and fun and are designed to help build your self-esteem back up. That's not as selfish as it sounds; it's not like you're running around breaking hearts; Ideally, the people you're dating post-breakup aren't looking for anything serious either. (You'll know if they are, in which case it's your responsibility to be honest about where you are emotionally. And who knows, maybe you'll fall in love!) Either way, you'll benefit endlessly from the simple act of putting yourself out there, realizing that you can have fun without risking ultimate vulnerability, and remembering that there is a big world beyond your last relationship. But not every person is a good candidate for this job. Here are the six people you should date after a bad breakup.
1. The Party Animal
Chances are, you'll be enjoying some nightlife post-breakup, and there's no better place to meet the most fun person ever than in a bathroom stall of a dive bar at 3AM. It sounds seedy, but it can be electric too. Date someone who is such ridiculous amounts of fun that you wouldn't be able to keep up with them if this was your everyday reality. Briefly opt to live in a fantasy world where you're moshing to "We Found Love" as the sun comes up in some secret after hours club. Date someone who is not serious, who just wants to party, who doesn't put their hang-ups on you and isn't interested in your hang-ups. Date someone who does shots with you and twirls you on the dance floor and makes you forget what it's like in the daytime and how banal the aftermath of a bad breakup can be.
2. The Artist
Like The Party Animal, The Artist probably isn't going to be a serious thing for you. But the artist is the opposite of The Party Animal: The Artist is self-important and in touch with their emotions, and together you'll lay on a bed and chain smoke cigarettes and talk about the universe and literature and real deep feelings. Dating an artist after a bad breakup is your indulgence, and your catharsis. It will be like therapy but with sex and tobacco.
3. That Person From Your Past Who Was The Best Sex You Ever Had
Don't say, "But that was my ex!" If it was, think of the second best sex ever. Whatever. There's that one person in your past with whom you had an ongoing sexual relationship, but who you never dated seriously because the two of you weren't compatible, nor were either of you interested in that. Call that person. Hopefully they'll be free and DTF, and you can have some Best Sex Ever which will make you feel relaxed, satisfied, and sexy.
4. The Easily Infatuated Person
I mean, you're going to want to be careful with this one so as not to hurt any feelings, but there are lots of people out there who get infatuated fast, do a whirlwind two-week thing with someone, and then kind of... drop off. These people are the rebound Holy Grail: They will dote on you, tell you how wonderful you are, stare deeply into your eyes and generally make you feel loved, without actually loving you or pushing you into a real relationship before you're actually ready for one. Over-the-top romantics are great post-breakup because they burn out fast, while at the same time giving you all the affirmations and affection you'll be craving.
5. The Body
If ever there was a time to date someone based soley on looks, this is it. Go forth. Lick some eye candy. Treat yo self. You deserve it.
The most important person you should be dating after a bad breakup, or any breakup, is yourself. Before you commit to someone else, recommit to yourself. Discover what it is you like about yourself again. Let yourself fall in love. Pick up a new hobby. Take yourself out to lunch. Pamper YOU. This is your time, and as much as dating around can help you heal, you'll never feel totally whole unless you learn to be enamored with yourself, because in the end, that's the person you can count on for anything.
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