As an organized person, I will never understand disorganized people. Who are you? What is your life? And most importantly, WHY? Other questions: Do you have a disease that makes you impervious to organization? Are you proud of yourself for being such a chaotic mess? How does the world keep on turning with so many of you disorganized people existing in it? (You out number us by a long shot.) And again, WHY? Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you change? Why aren't you more like me? Just stop and be more like me.
Organized people like things a certain way. Our receipts and bills are all in neat folders, curated throughout the year in order to be perfect and ready when tax time rolls around. Our Google calendars flawlessly outline our schedules weeks in advance. Our book spines are organized some way, either by color or alphabetically — MAYBE BOTH. We know where our house keys are at all times. In fact, we've never lost anything, except for maybe our minds when we think about you and your anarchistic lifestyle of writing things you have to remember on the back of your hand, smudging it, forgetting, and then taking off your pants and throwing them on the floor. These are some things we'll never understand about you:
1. Why it's so hard for you to be on time
Do you have clocks? A watch? A phone? Use a computer? An oven or microwave that displays the time? If you answered yes to any of these, you have no reason to be late, ever, aside from suddenly coming down with a life-threatening illness, and that's yet to be your excuse.
2. Why you can't remember your future engagements
IT'S CALLED GOOGLE CALENDAR. The damn thing will even send you reminders!
3. Why you don't just put your clothes straight in the closet/drawers when you take them off
This is one makes me particularly mad. You're standing in your bedroom. You're next to your wardrobe, or at least less than four steps away from it. You take off your clothes and throw them in a bundle on the floor. It's the clothes equivalent of throwing trash on the ground when there's a rubbish bin across the street. It's lazy and also stupid. Put the clothes where they belong, man.
4. Why you can't remember where things are
Organized people are hyper-aware of their belongings. We know where everything is even when we don't know where everything is. How you can be in charge of things and never know where they are is a terrifying concept to us.
5. How you can't get a thousand things done in one day
I manage to do my job, my laundry, keep a clean home, read, bake bread, make three meals a day and have time to spare. Disorganized people seem to be only able to do one to two things a day. I have the exact same number of hours in my day as you, so how is it that yours are spent doing so much less?
6. Why you don't delete things you've seen from your Netflix queue
This goes for any kind of list that gets ticked off. If you don't delete something once you're done, how in the world do you expect to keep your affairs in order?
7. Why you aren't bothered by clutter
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANXIETY WHEN THINGS ARE MESSY? WHY? WHEN I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE OF THE UNTIDINESS, WHY ARE YOU SO UNFAZED? WHY?
8. Why you're not doing the thing that would be most productive right now
No, seriously though, why are you sitting on the couch picking at an ingrown hair right now instead of washing the dishes when there's a sink full of dishes and a hundred other things to do right now?
9. How you can move. so. very. slowly.
Disorganized people have no sense of urgency. You're already late! Why are you putting on your shoes so slowly while checking your phone at the same time? OKAY, WHY ARE YOU STARING AT THE WALL RIGHT NOW? We have to go back because you forgot your wallet? HOW DO YOU FORGET YOUR WALLET? AND WHY ARE YOU WALKING BACK LIKE A TURTLE? SLOW AND STEADY HAS NEVER WON ANY RACE EVER. YOU WERE LIED TO.
10. How you made it this far in life
How are you employed? How do you make money? How do you feed yourself? How do you pay rent on time? Why haven't you died of disorganization yet?
11. Why you're okay with not being organized
And why don't you care? Why don't you care about your slovenly, "chaos reigns" approach to living? Why don't you wish you were more organized? Why don't you try harder to be? HOW ARE YOU HAPPY THE WAY YOU ARE?
Images: NBC; Giphy (6)