I Used 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Quotes on Tinder And No, It Didn't End In A Valentine's Day Date

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Masochists that they are, the people of Hollywood have anointed February 14th as the official release date of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie , based on the book that was widely accepted as the preferred masturbatory tool of suburban housewives nationwide. As we await the most fatuous of consumer holidays with a customary roll of the eyes and a heavy sigh, we are simultaneously being bombarded with topical advertising, think pieces, and social experiments about the sex-saturated page turner. I thought that America’s single men would be at least somewhat aware of the phenomenon responsible for bringing BDSM to otherwise-tame bedrooms across the midwest... but when I decided to interact with men on Tinder using only lines of Fifty Shades Of Grey dialogue, I found out I was wrong.

When I was approached by my editor to write this piece, I thought that surely there would be a limit to its potential. The parameters were clear: interact with matches by using only passages or quotes from the book. I presumed that, given Christian Grey's assumed role as modern day Eros, that this ruse would be up before it began. No one is going to believe that anyone uses language by E. L. James IRL, I thought (stupidly).

As it happens, plenty of men believe it (or as least humor it). There’s a possibility that anyone suspicious of the ploy may have turned a blind eye in order to “lock it down,” sure. There’s also a very good chance that some or any of these men are simply lonely (in which case I'm an asshole, and I'm truly sorry). But the more erratically I responded, the longer they’d engage. “A man will respond to anything,” remarked one male acquaintance.

The bottom line is this: People will put up with ridiculous shit on Tinder. Here’s how my experiment played out.

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