Swifties, rejoice! T. Swift has pulled a fast one on us, Beyoncé style: In an abrupt announcement on Tuesday that felt like it literally came from a nowhere filled with sugar, spice, and everything nice, Taylor Swift announced she will release a string of new singles from 1989 on iTunes — aka, songs that were until now only available on the deluxe album that you had a buy in-person at Target. That's right — now everyone can get the bonus tracks too!
Rumors were swirling that the 1989 bonus tracks would be released as singles, but the gossip remained unconfirmed, with no word from Swift's camp on the validity of the rumors. That is, until Swift announced Tuesday via Twitter that the 1989 bonus tracks would be released as singles — starting with the immediate release of "Wonderland," which is available on iTunes now.
That's right, you read correctly. It's Taylor Swift Tuesday, yall! "Wonderland" is available on iTunes literally right now. And it gets better. Not only do we have a new single that is available for download as we speak, but we have the euphoric promise of more singles to be released (possibly as early as tomorrow)!
This momentous occasion obviously merits celebration of the highest order. In order to celebrate properly, though, you must follow these crucial steps of the T. Swift Celebratory Process.
Step #1: Buy "Wonderland"
Go to iTunes and buy "Wonderland" (if you haven't already). If you've made it this far into the article without downloading it already, I might have to seriously question your Swiftie status.
Once Step #1 has been successfully fulfilled, it is time to move on to the more serious steps of the celebratory process. Buckle your seatbelts, ladies and gents, 'cause it's about to go down, T. Swift style.
Step #2: Pretend You Aren't Freaking Out with Excitement
On the inside, butterflies are a-flurry. You heart beats with a nervous excitement you haven't felt since the first time you tried to get into a bar with a fake I.D. But you tell yourself, "Keep it cool. It isn't that big of a deal... Just a new song." You know it's probably not acceptable to be this excited about a new Taylor Swift song. You know it's probably not logical to be this excited about a new Taylor Swift song. But then, you proceed to Step #3...
Step #3: Give in to Your Overwhelming Emotions and Freak. Out.
You simply can't help it. You give in to your baser desires and react to the new song with the fervor of a 13-year-old girl. You are in disbelief. You've wanted these bonus tracks for ages but the steep price of the 1989 Deluxe Edition was just too much for your already-struggling bank account. But, alas! A single! A single you can do. You'll forgo your Starbucks tomorrow to compensate. The suffering is worth it for this.
Step #4: Freak Out Some More
The T. Swift Celebratory Process requires two full steps for freaking out because this moment is so exciting you just can't even. YOU CAN'T EVEN! THERE'S NO END TO THAT SENTENCE BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST SO OVERCOME WITH JOY.
Step #5: Listen Endlessly
Okay, enough of this childish frivolity. You are not a kid, you are an adult, damn it. And what does an adult do on an occasion like this? Why, binge-listen to "Wonderland," of course. I don't even know if 'binge-listen' is a real term but, guess what, IT IS NOW 'cause T. Swift made it possible.
Step #6: Analyze
Now that you've established that the song is awesome (obviously), it's time for serious contemplation. Which ex is T. Swift singing about this time? How would you describe the melody? What can you glean from the lyrics? How does this single stack up against the rest of the album? What are the best lines of the song? You ask yourself these hard questions because you are a true fan. Not just one of those bandwagon Swifties. "Wonderland" demands this painstaking analysis of you. You cannot let it down.
Step #7: Dance Party
Now that you have achieved a high play count and an advanced understanding of the musical and lyrical facets of "Wonderland," it is time for the best part thus far of the T. Swift Celebratory Process: dance party. The time has finally come to let go of your inhibitions and give a full-scale, jumping-on-the-bed-singing-into-a-hairbrush imaginary concert performance, the likes of which you haven't seen since your middle school days. Your neighbors in the apartment downstairs might bang on the ceiling for you to shut up, but you know it's all worth it because it's for the greater good... as is everything T. Swift related. If anything, you're doing the neighbors a favor by exposing them to the glorious musical stylings of T. Swift's latest.
Step #8: Rejoice with Your Crew
The best part of being a twenty-something (to me) is that I am old enough to pretend like I'm an adult when necessary, but still young enough that I feel like I can get away with acting like a teenager when I deem it prudent (see: shirking responsibilities for watching Netflix, etc). Anything Taylor Swift related allows me to tap into my inner teenager and, thank goodness, I have friends who are willing to do the same. Therefore, the next step in the celebratory process is to embrace your youth and revel in the new T. Swift jam with your best friends. Roll the windows down and blare it loudly at stoplights, sing it on karaoke night at your favorite bar, and share your love with the world!
Step #9: Wonder How You Ever Lived Without "Wonderland"
You remember back to what life was like pre-"Wonderland." You try to imagine how you ever made it through a day without this delicious musical snack floating blissfully into your ear canal via your earbuds. It's almost as if you have amnesia; your life has been changed so completely by this monumental occasion that remembering life without "Wonderland" is almost impossible.
Step #10: Remember that You Get MORE New T. Swift Songs This Week
Just when you start to come down off of your "Wonderland" high and the bleakness of your current reality begins to set in, it dawns on you: the high isn't over! Just merely on hiatus. The promise of several new tracks sends a wave of relief coursing through your veins as your realize the horrific moment of fear that comes with a lack of new T. Swift on your horizon was just a momentary threat. You will get new songs. You breathe a sigh of relief, sitting back on your bed as "Wonderland" plays on repeat as you drift off swiftly off into a deep, peaceful sleep.
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