Ann Coulter Discovers 'Breaking Bad' (Finally) & Assumes She Understands It Better Than Everyone (Duh)

Conservative pundit (so conservative, in fact, she makes Bill O'Reilly look like Jon Stewart) Ann Coulter is at it again. Tired of writing op-ed after op-ed about Obamacare, she's turned to another topic: Breaking Bad .

Apparently, she sees the entire show as an allusion to the Bible. She knows she's right, because she's made it through the end of Season 2 and a few spoilery post-series finale articles. (Her detailed commentary doesn't make it past Jane dying, so clearly she's an expert.)

Nevermind the notion that Breaking Bad appears to have no religious affiliation and simply seeks to expose human nature outside the bounds of religion (which may be why it's so universally beloved and praised). The following excerpts from Coulter's essay are resolute, and you know what happens when you try to tell her she's wrong...

She's done it, by jove!

Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Conservative pundit (so conservative, in fact, she makes Bill O'Reilly look like Jon Stewart) Ann Coulter is at it again. Tired of writing op-ed after op-ed about Obamacare, she's turned to another topic: Breaking Bad .

Apparently, she sees the entire show as an allusion to the Bible. She knows she's right, because she's made it through the end of Season 2 and a few spoilery post-series finale articles. (Her detailed commentary doesn't make it past Jane dying, so clearly she's an expert.)

Nevermind the notion that Breaking Bad appears to have no religious affiliation and simply seeks to expose human nature outside the bounds of religion (which may be why it's so universally beloved and praised). The following excerpts from Coulter's essay are resolute, and you know what happens when you try to tell her she's wrong...

Pretty sure Vince Gilligan wasn't looking to be compared to Mel Gibson Today

Coulter writes: "AMC’s smash TV series Breaking Bad — the most Christian Hollywood production since Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ."

Good, Coulter knows how to write a thesis. But arguing that Breaking Bad is more Christian than a movie about Christianity might just be an uphill battle she's not prepared to win.

Jesse: Unwilling Victim of a Godless Hippie Rehab

Coulter continues: "The sweet, soulful druggie on Breaking Bad, Jesse Pinkman, illustrates — heartbreakingly — the monumental importance of the cross. Believing he is responsible for his girlfriend Jane’s death by overdose, Jesse goes to some godless hippie rehab center. Naturally, he is still unable to forgive himself."

Sure, Jesse wasn't unable to shake his addiction and forgive himself after rehab because it was a "godless" place. It's definitely not because he's human and feels pain more deeply than we thought possible, challenging all of our close-minded notions of what a "druggie" is. Nope.

Skyler is Punished for Worshipping False Gods

And there's more: "The meth cook’s wife, Skyler, illustrates why Scripture instructs us to flee evil and admonishes: 'You shall have no other gods before me.' When Skyler discovers her husband is a meth cook, she stays with him, despite hating him for what he’s done. Eventually she becomes his partner in crime. It worked out badly for her."

Excuse me, but when did Skyler ever worship Walt? Hell, even before he breaks bad, she's only willing to give him a half-hearted hand job for his birthday. The woman was hated by Breaking Bad fans everywhere for questioning Walt, kicking him, and trying to keep his kids away from him. Apparently, Anne Coulter gets bizarro Breaking Bad.

Why aren't Walt and Jesse praying?!

And she goes on: "In accordance with Hollywood’s modern Hays Code prohibiting any realistic depiction of Christianity, there is none in Breaking Bad — which is even weirder than the fact that everyone on the show is still using flip phones. In real life, Hank, Skyler and Jesse would have been throwing themselves on their knees, praying to Jesus — in which case the series would have ended with my favorite five minutes of television ever, other than the first Romney-Obama debate: Hank arresting Walt."

She's perturbed by the fact that no one is mentioning religion on this show, clearly it's because the whole show is a religious allusion and not because the series is making a point that defies religious strictures. Duh, Walt and Jesse would be praying to Jesus on their knees. They're meth cooks in New Mexico. They've killed people. Naturally, they're fans of the Lord. Yeah. OK.