These 13 Worst Pet Names Are Hilariously Bad, Pumpkin
Whether the idea of calling your SO a pet name names you cringe or swoon, pet names have been around for a long time — the Oxford English Dictionary says "baby" has been used as a term of endearment since the 17th century. Still, although they might be common, not all pet names are created equal — just ask these redditors, who shared the most unromantic pet name their significant other has ever called them, or vice-versa. Some are awful, some are hilarious, but one thing I do know for sure: do not try these at home.
But before we get to the more imaginative terms of endearment, we should cover the basics — meaning, there are some pet names that are pretty universally disliked. A 2012 British survey found the most hated pet names for women. Here are some of the worst offenders:
Babe: For some reason, babe was the number one most hated pet name among women. Somebody better tell Sonny & Cher. Personally I would not be bothered if my S.O. called me "babe," but I'm also 5'2" and am really not fazed when people infantilize me. But you know, to each their own.
Sweet cheeks: Yeah, this one I totally get. It sounds like something that your creepy boss would say to land himself a sexual harassment lawsuit, right up there with "sugar tits."
Snookums: Who even thought up this term? It's pretty ridiculous. Not to mention, the first thing that comes to mind is obviously Snooki. Now, I love Snooki (and the whole cast of Jersey Shore), but I don't want to think of her when my man is trying to whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
Baby doll & Baby girl: Quick, somebody better call up Shemar Moore!
And now, without further ado, let's take a look at the worst pet names of Reddit.
Reminds me of "meat curtains"...ick
Now all I can think of are immature nicknames for vaginas! That's that ish I don't like.
An epic Google translate fail
Even without the lost in translation moment, I'm not sure there are too many people who would want to be called "platypus." Platypuses are one of my favorite animals, too, but even then...no.
OK, this one's actually pretty cute
Important follow-up question: is the plural of spoose "speese," or just "spoose"?
Not sure if hilarious or plain cruel...
Someone should tell this guy that most women's breasts are not exactly the same size, though.
Sounds like an internet meme
Admittedly, this little guy is pretty darn lovable:
I see what you did there
And this is why [serious] tags were invented. No stalking!
Seriously, don't ever do this
Ouch, big time. *Virtual hugs*
And a surprising number of people who call their S.O. a variation of "poop"
Punching aside, this one is kinda funny.
I'll admit, Poopiepanstistan made me laugh, because I have the sense of humor of a 7-year-old.
Check out more ridiculous and cringe-y nicknames on the AskReddit thread.