Brandi Glanville Raps On A Daytime Talk Show

Monday afternoon, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills rabble-rouser and Celebrity Apprentice contestant Brandy Glanville appeared on The Steve Harvey Show . While the breaker of olive branches visited the daytime talk show, Steve Harvey tried to set her up with a gentleman. Glanville and her suitor sat at a small table and partook in some white wine. Harvey stood close by, as if he knew he had to keep an eye on things. As if he knew Glanville might start rapping at any second and he'd require that bottle of wine, STAT.

After the suitor said he wrote a rap called "Cats & Abs" (there are cats and there are abs and yes you should watch the video right now) for Cosmopolitan.com and the Humane Society, Glanville said she also can spit a rhyme or two. Harvey encouraged her to show off her skills. Here's what Glanville hit the audience with:

If I give a [BEEP] about a [BEEP]/I’d always be [BEEP] and [BEEP]/I can smoke— No?

Hm. I think the show had some technical difficulties and that is why we viewers at home hear a loud beeping noise over and over. Sadly, I can't find a sans-beeps version.

Curious to know what it was Glanville said, I studied the tape. Due to some additional technical difficulties, her mouth appears to be blurred out whenever that beep sound happens (what are the odds!), so reading her lips isn't an option.

Here was my best guess:

  • If I give a cat about a cat/I’d always be a cat and a cat/I can smoke— No?

...But that didn't seem right. (Clearly, that cat video is still on my mind.) I called in reinforcements: a random word generator. Sometimes, a random word generator is exactly what you need in this type of Mad Libby scenario. Here are some of the strongest results:

  • If I give a VerbarFaculaelig about a confronter/I’d always be patrolling and computational/I can smoke— No?
  • If I give a haranguer about a reimbursement/I’d always be cascading and rejective/I can smoke— No?
  • If I give a stonecutter about abstractedness/I’d always be ghastly and wrongheaded/I can smoke— No?

And yes, VerbarFaculaelig is a real word.