What's not to love about St. Paddy's Day? People get drunk, they pretend their shirts are mistletoe, and attempt to kiss a bunch of strangers. For all the festive green outfits that are out parading the streets on March 17, there are just as many offensive St. Patrick's Day t-shirts that have most people rolling their eyes in bewilderment. I mean, come on. Really?
Don't get me wrong — I love this holiday. I love celebrating my Irish roots. I love Guinness and how it tastes like the perfect adult combo of coffee, milkshakes, and root beer. I love the music. I love shamrocks, and the color green looks good on everyone. I don't, however, love the need to pretend like it's totally cool to encourage catcalling, the guys who think it's funny to say, "Kiss me, I'm Irish" and point to their pants, or the t-shirt companies that won't let the least awesome part of this holiday die. Let me be clear: you can buy whatever you want to buy, wear whatever you want to wear, and laugh whenever you think something is funny. All I'm saying is, can't we do better than this? Doesn't this historic cultural day deserve more? Can't we come up with funny t-shirt sayings that are, I dunno, actually funny? Here are the worst St. Paddy's Day t-shirts I've found.
1. "Irish You Were Naked"
Well, Irish you didn't have to come out and ruin perfectly good holidays with your terrible sense of humor, but that didn't happen either, bro.
2. "Kiss Me I'm Wasted"
I don't like the "kiss me" part of this. If it said something like, "I'm drunk and, for the moment, totally into you," then cool. That would be more of an empowering sexual declaration than this one that seems like a go-ahead for predators.
3. "He's My Lucky Charm"
The problem with this one is the store itself. There aren't any "She's my lucky charm" shirts for the guys. It's just shirts for girls about their male counterparts and shirts for boys about how wasted they plan to get.
4. "Dublin D's"
Because if you're a woman, all you are is a holder for boobies. Cool.
5. The Name Shirt
The fact that this gives anyone even a remote chance of being called "Slutty O'Legspreader" is a bummer. Zero stars.
6. "I Love Drunk Girls"
Yeah, well. No one loves you back, creep.
7. "Irish Princess"
There's no "Irish Prince" or "Irish King." Just a princess. So I guess if you're a girl, you get to be a princess, and that's all. Great.