The' Vanderpump Rules' Finale Was a Yawn Carnival

All good things must come to an end, and if you're lucky, some of those good things end in a satisfying way. Unfortunately, Season 3 of Vanderpump Rules did not fall into that category. I think we can all agree that the Vanderpump Rules Season 3 finale was essentially the most anticlimactic thing ever. Hear that sound? That's me snoring through the computer.

First of all, where was this supposed "truth coming out" moment that we've been promised all season? This was its opportunity for any lingering truths to finally come out, and hardly anything was revealed. Just like last week, Jax says that the Sandoval-Annemarie Miami bonefest happened, and Tom staunchly denies it. Yeah we get it. Ariana believes Tom, and Scheana kinda does, but doesn't really. What this all leads up to is Kristen swearing off her obsession with Tom forever (SURE, that'll happen) and a ridiculous soliloquy from Jax about the nature of morality and the futility of guilt. It was a speech to nonsensical and loopy, it could've been written by Derek Zoolander himself.

Moving right along to other things that I was disappointed by. As we've come to expect, very little happened tonight with Stassi. She basically showed up, had a hostile exchange with Katie, and then everyone was like "GIRL, BYE!" Then, Katie gives Tom an ultimatum that has a half-a-year cap on it. That's a PRETTY long ultimatum. In that amount of time, Tom could go to culinary school, and take an extra adult education course. It's like, MAKE ME CARE, GUYS!! PUT SOME HEAT ON THE DUDE!!

PHEW! Well, thanks for letting me vent. Thing is, I wouldn't have been so upset by the lack of action tonight if I didn't think some old-school-bananas stuff was in store for us. Last year's finale ended with an out-of-nowhere cheating confession and two fist fights, so I had every reason to get my hopes up. I guess this proves it once and for all: lowered expectations are the key to a happy life.

Image: Bravo