St. Patrick's Day On Pinterest Vs. IRL

Pinterest projects are fun to look at, but executing them is a totally different story — unless you’re a food stylist and you live and die by the silicone spritz that makes Taco Bell’s 7 Layer Burrito look like it was invented by God and Carson Kressley of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. St. Patrick’s Day on Pinterest may look like a holiday of prissy, frilly nonpareil, but let's be real here — more often than not, it’s a holiday of debauchery and your plastered friend Randy peeing all over your kitchen rug. (But it’s a FUN holiday, so find a rad place to celebrate here.)

C’mon, we all know the classic St. Paddy’s Day tropes: green shirts, green beer, green beads, more green beer, green vomiting all over the white toilet. St. Patrick’s Day is a mess! So let’s stop pretending, Pinterest. Let’s keep it real! Let’s change the expression to "Kiss me, I’m honest," because I’m about to cut the B.S. and explain what’s really going on behind some of Pinterest’s picture perfect images. Don't get me wrong — these projects are pretty, but they just don't quite tell the whole story.

There are only two kinds of people in the world — the Irish, and those who wish they were. So stop posing and grab a Guinness, stat!

1. Pot of "gold"

On Pinterest...

Oh my gosh, it's sooooo cute to paint nice, big (probably store bought) rocks into nuggets of "gold" with twee words and phrases on them!

IRL…

WHAT THE ACTUAL EFF: using real money to buy materials to make fake money is not cute when you have no disposable income to speak of. Whimsy doesn't pay rent in New York City, OK?

2. Pristine St. Paddy's Day matchy-matchy

On Pinterest...

You put on your painstakingly assembled St. Patrick's Day ensemble. The perfect shade of green complemented by juuuuust the right accent colors. Everything is flawlessly pressed, cleaned, and positioned. #winning

IRL...

You puke all over those spiffy brand new shoes because yes, you know the trusty maxim "beer before liquor, never been sicker," but literally all the booze at this party is green and you're too drunk to ask simple questions like, "What's in this cup?"

3. The ever-elusive rainbow

On Pinterest...

Everyone lives in a magical world where there are only 3,000 square foot houses with two-car garages, and you can go hours without being annoyed by another person. With all the extra space and solitude, why not make a Jello rainbow with an Oreo and a gold coin treasure at the end?

IRL...

AHHHH ROOMMATES RUIN EVERYTHING! Maybe you're one of the blessed ones, but most likely your roommate's at it again with her never-ending fridge raiding. She'll eat your rainbow Jello right out of the mold before it's even had time to congeal! And the Oreos? Forget it. She inhaled the whole package the first day you brought 'em home from the store.

4. Lucky donuts

On Pinterest...

Somebody spent hours adhering Lucky Charms to palatable, non-disgusting donuts (srsly where do you even get that kind?!) just so that you could wolf yours down in 1:30 flat.

IRL...

The only person who brings donuts to work on St. Patrick's Day is Gary — and Gary smokes hella cigarettes in his car, like A LOT, and his beer belly squashed the donut box when he leaned over to manually roll up the window on his Ford Escort. Thank you, Gary, it truly is the thought that counts... but there is no universe in which I'm eating one of those jacked up donuts — at this point, they look like frosted green turds.

5. Dressed up dogs

On Pinterest...

You have the most festive, dressed up dog on the block for the third year running (suck it, Mary Sue!)... and also the most depressed. Whatever, get with the program, Rover — it's painful to be beautiful.

IRL...

Same. Why are we doing this to our beloved furry best friends? I mean, look. at. his. face.

Images: Delia Creates; Studio DIY; The Girls with Glasses; Sean-Franc Strang, DaPuglet /Flickr