Back in 2004, Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County premiered on MTV. The reality show, which was inspired by teen soap opera The O.C., followed around a group of friends who attended Laguna Beach High School. Fast-forward to 2006: The Real Housewives of Orange County made its TV debut on Bravo. Unlike Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County, The Real Housewives of Orange County did not directly draw from the Newpsie drama of The O.C.; rather, scripted dramas like Desperate Housewives were the impetus for The Real Housewives franchise. Alas, a Real Housewives series starring the characters from The O.C. has yet to happen — for shame! — but it's safe to say The Real Housewives of The O.C.(not to be confused with the Bravo reality series The Real Housewives of Orange County) would be dynamite.
I know what you are about to ask: “A reality show that follows fictional characters? You realize that is impossible, right? You realize that if a show stars fictional characters, it would just be a scripted show, right? You realize those characters don't exist, right?”
To that I say: If 3D printers can exist, I think 2015 can figure out a way to make fictional characters real enough that they can star in a reality show. (Don't ask me how, I'm not a scientist.)
What might The Real Housewives of The O.C. look like? Oh, you bet I have some ideas.
The The O.C. Housewives
Kirsten is the rock of the series. Her husband, Sandy, provides spectacular commentary. She is the Housewife the other Housewives go to for advice. She not-so-secretly loathes every single social obligation she commits to, but she always shows up regardless. Every time there's a community event, there's always a great scene of Kirsten and Sandy getting ready and griping about the Newpsies. In one particularly memorable story arc, Sandy gives Kirsten surfing lessons. They attempt to qualify for the U.S. Open of Surfing together. Hilarity ensues.
Whether she’s married to Jimmy Cooper, married to Caleb Nichol, or single, Julie is the Queen Bee of the show. However, Season 2, she tries to get out of her Real Housewives contract. This surprises everyone, but during a heart-to-heart with Kirsten (caught on camera, thankfully), Julie reveals her reason why: She's embarrassed because one of the P.A.s walked in on her while she was taking a #2. After she says it out loud, Julie realizes how silly it would be to quit over a little poo-poo. Julie and Kirsten laugh until they cry about this.
She's relentless when it comes to hosting parties, organizing galas, attending booster club meetings et cetera. She considers herself the reigning party girl of the cast, even though Julie shows her up every single time. She's a major gossip and starts Twitter fights with all of the other Housewives. In talking heads, Kirsten and Sandy take countless thinly-veiled jabs at Taryn.
The other Housewives drop comments that lead the viewers to believe Veronica is only on the show to promote her sports agency. Veronica constantly mixes up the other Housewives' kids' names, "forgets" about lunch dates, and declines phone calls. The other Housewives believe she does these things intentionally. The Housewives call her out for it at the second season reunion. She cries at the accusations and says she is having trouble balancing her full-time job with the show. Kirsten rolls her eyes at this. Fans of the show tweet that Veronica's tears are fake. Veronica deletes her Twitter account.
The viewers never actually see Dr. Neil Roberts’s wife, but for some reason, she’s still listed in the main cast. Throughout the series, a lot of tidbits about Gloria surface. A few highlights: She takes a milk bath daily, she stopped going to Yogalates because she hates how sweaty the mat gets, and she's tried (and failed) to get rid of Summer's "horse toy" multiple times.
The The O.C. Housewives' Kids
She always fills in for Gloria at Housewives get-togethers, which inspires the nickname "Sub-mer Roberts". She always recounts the Housewives hangouts to boyfriend Seth. She gives the sound byte-iest talking heads.
He dodges the cameras as much as possible. A few times throughout the series, the cameras catch him running through the kitchen at full speed, snatching up a bagel, and then retreating to the pool house.
He thinks reality TV is vapid, so he is embarrassed his mom agreed to do the show. However, that doesn't stop him from hamming it up in front of the cameras. He interacts with more fans via social media than any of the other RHotOC kids.
She’s the one the viewers empathize with the most; time and time again, Veronica is incredibly hard on her daughter, and Taylor only continues to try to impress her mom. In Season 3, Veronica grounds Taylor for three months over a picture she posted on Instagram. The picture was of a history exam she scored 92% on. The caption: "I missed some answers on a test! My mom's worst nightmare has come true!" Veronica doesn't see the humor in this at. All.
At the beginning of the series, Julie brags nonstop about her oldest daughter. However, things take a turn when Marissa starts to rebel in the middle of Season 1. Julie tries to keep Marissa away from the show's cameras as much as possible. Julie's biggest fear: the cameras will catch Marissa throwing a tantrum. In Season 3, a tragic accident involving Marissa and a bad ex-boyfriend shakes up the community.
Julie constantly brings up her daughter who’s away at boarding school. The audience doesn't get to know Kaitlin until a few seasons in, but once she's a part of the show, she quickly becomes a fan favorite. Kaitlin and Seth have a good Twitter rapport.
TL;DR: The show would be too perfect for this mortal coil.