The 15 Worst Things About Dating Women

by Anna Borges

Most of the time, queer women have to explain how their sex and love lives aren’t dramatically different from those of their hetero counterparts — love is love, relationships are relationships, queer couples don’t have secret dating rituals or special rules. Believe me, most of us have gotten pretty good at that whole speech.

But despite how true that is, most of us would be lying if we said there aren’t some important distinctions between our love lives and those of our straight friends. Not big, life-shattering differences that mark ladies-only relationships as part of a different species or anything, but annoying, logistical everyday stuff that can make things tricky. Real talk: There just might be some problems that you don’t run into when dating men — and they’re the worst.

1. You might pee next to each other on the first date

Oh, you've been holding it in 'til the end of the night, too? Alright, let's escort each other awkwardly to the bathroom, then.

2. When you meet a gorgeous girl who's got her shit together, you don't know whether you want to be her or be on her

Scoping out potential dates is 10x harder when you're busy playing "Life goals or wife goals?"

3. You have a cheering section for every bit of PDA

"You two are so brave!" Thanks! You're so brave for not expecting a punch in the face for high-fiving me over holding my date's hand while waiting for the subway.

4. You have to work your sex life around not one, but two periods

Fine if you don't have a problem with a bit of period sex, but if cramps and blood kill the mood for you, that's twice a month you're out of commission when two cisgender ladies are dating. Or...

5. Or your cycles sync up because you spend so much damn time together

PMSing woman + PMSing woman = one week of emotionally volatile relationship hell.

6. Guys hit on you during your dates

I get it, two women at a bar can look like pickup bait, but no. No, no, no.

7. You might get body envy when you're supposed to be getting it on

Ugh, why are your boobs so much nicer than mine?

8. You never know the reaction you'll get when whipping out sex toys

I promise that preferring sex with a strap-on does not mean secretly preferring sex with men. (And the transgender community will remind you that not all guys have penises anyway).

9. You're paranoid that she'll notice your bad hair day/ugly bra/weird patch of hair

You know those things that everyone is all like, "Oh, don't worry, guys don't pay attention to that stuff"? Well, girls aren't guys. If I notice it on myself, I'm going to assume that she'll notice it on me, too. Every time.

10. You might have an ex in common

It might be funny to be eskimo sisters with a friend of yours, but that is so. Not. The. Case. When it comes to a person you're sleeping with.

11. Your gender presentation gets confused for your preferences in bed

Long hair, don't care…unless it makes you type me as a submissive pillow princess. Then I do care. A lot. Because that's dumb as hell.

12. Nail care is, like, a thing for your sex life

Do I want to be presumptuous about this date by cutting my nails? Or do I skip it and risk starring in a nail-related sex horror story if we wind up back at her place?

13. Tindering has a 1 in 3 chance of ending in a threesome solicitation

Ahh, nothing like attempting to find a date and getting mistaken for a sexual accessory in the process.

14. Talking about your partner with your straight friends is an uphill battle in semantics

"So, my girlfriend—" "Like, your female friend?" "No, like my girlfriend." "Girl friend or girlfriend?"

15. Same with introducing her to people

The only way you can get your point across: "This is my girlfriend, also known as my romantic and sexual female companion, who I am indeed romantically and sexually involved with."

Images: Eddy Chen/FOX, Giphy (15)