'Bachelor in Paradise' Should Move Beyond Mexico

The end of The Bachelor means many things: It's time for the next Bachelorette; another couple will probably quietly break off their engagement in the offseason; and, most importantly, Bachelor in Paradise is a-coming. But almost as important as the cast is the location for Bachelor in Paradise Season 2. According to Vallarta Daily, Bachelor in Paradise will film in Puerta Vallarta, after filming Season 1 in Tulum. While I can totally see why that this is the place that they chose, it wouldn't be my first pick — at all.

Look, Bachelor in Paradise is my favorite reality show, possibly of all time. Is that an incredibly hyperbolic statement? Absolutely. But those types of rash, incredibly important decisions made on a whim are what Bachelor in Paradise is all about. And from where I sit, location really matters.

For big BiP-heads like myself, one of the main attractions of the season was how terrible the resort was, forcing the participants to do things like make out in the ocean, talk to raccoons, and get naked in the ocean. Picking the one resort in Mexico that didn't have a pool was a brilliant idea. It was also a brilliant idea to strand them in a highly humid environment, because humidity means sweaty, sticky, uncomfortable cast members and thunderstorms that come out of nowhere. It was brilliant to make them stay in an isolated resort where the only places to go on a date were 1. Ruins and 2. A bus ride away.

So, to recap, the things that they need to look for in order to repeat the brilliance of Bachelor in Paradise Season 1: humidity, inhospitable weather, boredom, and maximum shirtlessness.

Humidity: The Amazonian Jungle

They could bring a spotlight to major issues: deforestation, the abuse of native populations, the ozone layer. And it's always fun when reality stars have to deal with crazy bugs. There are thousands of species that live on certain trees alone! Make them live right underneath a zipline, so the only way for them to get around is to strap on a harness and zip there. And the near-constant rain will drive them crazy.

Inhospitable Weather: Winnipeg Maybe?

I know, it flies in the face of the rest of my qualifications, but a snowy retreat would trap the entire cast in very close quarters, trapped with only mugs of cocoa and DRAMA to keep them entertained. Plus, it's way easier to know how to swim than it is to know how to ski and snowboard, so I'm sure there would be lots of GIF-able physical comedy moments.

Boredom: Any Suburb, USA

OK, here's where I share my ulterior motive: wouldn't a more PG teen version of this show be hilarious? Where it's all about whether or not Tyler texted a skull emoji as a joke or because he wanted to break up? But seriously make these clowns stay in a town with one bar that closes at 10 p.m. and a strip mall, and they'll be at one another's throats within minutes.

Maximum Shirtlessness: The Maldives

Now this is a serious suggestion. The Maldives are a small series of islands that have beautiful views, have a rainy season that would keep the cast cooped up for plenty of the shooting schedule, and, most importantly, has small, sandy islands just a mile or two in size that ABC could rent out and use exclusively for shooting.

While yes, it'll probably end up being another season set in Mexico, there are so many possibilities for Bachelor in Paradise Season 2 that I wish they'd consider expanding their worldview.

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