By now, you've probably seen the Vine of Iggy Azalea completely beefing it during a performance while trying to rap her song, "D.R.U.G.S." live. At least, that's what song we're told she's rapping, but, truthfully, it's so garbled that it could be literally any song in any language. We're told the lyrics she's trying to hit are as follows: "Pitchfork point better pass me the joint / Gotta twist this beat I’ma sprang my joint / Straight crack rock, go to the pop-pop / Pumo Jiggy Rap City, no Tiggy — yeah shorty do illa, I’m raw no Digga."
... but don't worry about memorizing them or trying to make them match up to the words coming out of her mouth in this Vine, because they're NOT EVEN CLOSE. To the point that I, here in my pop culture detective agency, am not even convinced that these are lyrics from a known song. My theory is that she's rapping about an entirely new topic, and it's up to me to determine what it is.
And now, having analyzed the source material, I'm officially on the case. Here are the seven things that Azalea is probably rapping about in this Vine. (Because she has always told us that she's the greatest rapper of all time, so how could that not be true? These are the only explanations.)
Her Own Self
Because isn't she always?
Her Favorite Sounds That Toy Guns Can Make
POP POP POP.
A mystery to us all, but so good.
That's the linguistic name for the sounds your mouth makes when you enunciate hard consonants like 'P', 'T', and 'K.' Azalea seems to be QUITE THE FAN.
How Not To Sing Into A Microphone
Proper microphone use is very important, because too much water getting into your mic can damage it over time. Clearly, Azalea knows this and is demonstrating exactly how not to abuse your mic. Out there doing the Lord's work.
Noises all line up.
A Medical Event That She's Experiencing
You know how everyone says the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades, because no one will know that you're serious? Well, what if Azalea was going through a serious medical event and trying to tell us about it via rap, and we're all just over here laughing at her flow. For shame, guys.
BUT COME ON THOUGH.
Images: giphy (7)