At first glance, Eva Mendes seems like she has figured out the secret of life. She's gorgeous, she has a successful career, and she's with Ryan Gosling, and together they have a beautiful baby named Esmerelda. If you share my belief that Mendes is basically Superwoman, this news is going to be a little disheartening, but we'll have to find a way to move on somehow. According to the actress herself, Mendes attributes her long-lasting relationship to never wearing sweatpants, because she legitimately believes that wearing them leads to divorce. Seriously.
When the topic of sweatpants came up in a recent interview with Extra, Mendes was quick to admit that she never wears them around the house because she's pretty sure they cause your partner to immediately lose all interest in you and leave you because you're far too lazy and disgusting to be deserving of love. OK, maybe she didn't go that far, but here are her exact words, which included a lot of the word "no":
Sweatpants, no, no, no, no. No, no, you can't do sweatpants. Ladies, number one cause of divorce in America is sweatpants. No, you can't do that.
You hear that, America? Sweatpants so often cause otherwise happy marriages to crumble that Mendes felt compelled to say "no" seven times over four short sentences. Homegirl, are you crazy? Don't get me wrong, I see Mendes as an incredible woman and I'm sure that plenty of us have tons to gain from her wisdom and experience. However, I love being comfy so much that I have to draw the line here. If sweatpants were required to keep Ryan Gosling around, I'd have to say goodbye to Gosling or he'd have to rip my sweats out of my cold, dead fingers.
By not wearing sweatpants, Mendes is missing out big time — especially as a new mom — and here's why.
They're the next best thing to not wearing pants
Because let's face it, the only thing better than coming home and taking your bra off is coming home and taking your pants off. And if it's not appropriate to walk around in your underwear (or if it's just too cold), sweatpants are where it's at. They're so comfortable that you might as well not be wearing pants at all. As an actress, Mendes should totally invest in a solid pair to snuggle up with after long days on set. They'll change her life.
You can wear them while you're out running errands, you can keep them on at home while you're having a Netflix marathon as a reward for running all those errands, and then, you can go to sleep in them without having to change. And after that, if you're like me, you can wake up the next morning and do it all again until you feel the need to actually, like, shower and be a productive member of society. As a busy lady on the go, sweatpants could save Mendes some valuable time.
They're perfect for taking care of babies
Like I said earlier, Mendes is a new mom, which means she's probably tired — and probably covered in poop and spit up half the time. Rather than get baby gunk on the expensive, '50s vamp dresses I imagine she's wearing to please Gosling, she should just let the sweatpants catch the gross stuff. Don't worry — basically any substance blends right in.
They hide everything
Especially if "everything" refers to the entire pack of Oreos you ate while having the aforementioned Netflix marathon. Some days, you just need pants that don't cling to you, you know? And even though Mendes is rocking a killer post-baby body, I think it's only human to have days where you just want to wear something baggy.
They allow you to find out if your significant other really likes you for you
Isn't Mendes wondering if Gosling loves her purely for the fact that she looks fantastic 100 percent of the time? In sweatpants, you can truly test your significant other's love for you. If he or she still loves you in Victoria's Secret's best sweatpants with pizza sauce in the corner of your mouth and hair you haven't washed in three days, that, my friends, is true love.
They're like getting a hug from your BFF
Warm, comforting, feels like home... and, if you're like me, they make your cats want to sleep in your lap because your legs are suddenly really inviting and comfortable. Mendes totally deserves to experience this, just like we all do.
Images: Giphy (6)