"I Can't Breathe Without You" And Other Song Lyrics That Need To Go

James Hughes' article on how the usage of the term "I Can't Breathe" in song lyrics makes a point that I've felt strongly about for ages. There are so many staid and useless phrases going on in pop music, and maybe rounding them up and identifying them will make them go away. After all, one can only take so many "my heart skipped a beat"s before you start to think... that's a lot of heart problems going around in a very physically fit community. Read carefully, entertainment industry, because these lyrics need to go.

Song Lyrics That Need To Die

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James Hughes' article on how the usage of the term "I Can't Breathe" in song lyrics makes a point that I've felt strongly about for ages. There are so many staid and useless phrases going on in pop music, and maybe rounding them up and identifying them will make them go away. After all, one can only take so many "my heart skipped a beat"s before you start to think... that's a lot of heart problems going around in a very physically fit community. Read carefully, entertainment industry, because these lyrics need to go.

"I Can't Breathe Without You"

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You can. If you couldn't, there wouldn't be any singing. And yet, as James Hughes points out, this particular hyperbolic metaphor is used constantly by the likes of Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Leona Lewis, etc. It is a cheap way of saying "I get panic attacks when you're not around, which probably indicates I'm over attached," and there are totally more fun ways to say that.

"My Heart Skipped A Beat"

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No, it didn't, you had a burst of adrenaline that in fact increased your heart rate because we're animals at heart and you need more blood pumping to go get some than you have just beating around usually. Arrhythmia is no joke, and it definitely doesn't equate to romantic excitement, at least in the real world. It probably just equates to an eventual need for blood thinners, which is decidedly unfortunate. Looking at you, Olly Murs.

"Poppin' Bottles In The Club"

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Yes, popping bottles in da club is a very easy way of indicating wealth, but personally I think it's a little pedestrian, if a rich man was really trying impress me in the club, he'd buy me a cocktail because that way I know I'm individual and classy. When T.I. says, "pop a bottle make that thing go bow/ let her drink 'til she drown," I am curiously not at all aroused. But then again, rappers man, not known for treating women likes ladies.

"Give It To Me'

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Give what? My consent? My penis that you are probably not aware I have because I'm dressed like a woman? WHAT? Now, obviously this intimates giving sex, but that's a super weird idea too, it's not like giving a Hanukkah present, you kind of need two to tango. I'd genuinely be more impressed if Justin Timberlake stopped playing and started crooning, "so have sex with me." Because we still would. Obviously.

"Put Your Hands In The Air"

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Pretty much 100 percent of time spent outside a pool, ocean or bathtub involves having your hands in air, because air is all around us. So this actually means raise your arms. Chris Brown, saying "puts your hands in the air/if you wanna freak something down tonight" makes me think there are a lot of things I'm implicitly agreeing to by raising my hands. I'm an independent woman who don't need no man to tell me when it's appropriate to arm dance, goddammit.

Orgasm Noises As Sound Samples

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Serious bone to pick with this one. Borgore constantly uses a certain sample that is clearly the sound of a girl choking on a dick in pretty much all of his songs, and what this means is that every time I comment on it in outrage, I'm also having to admit that I'm intimately aware of what it sounds like to do so. Not cool Borgore, not cool. More generally though, we get it, musicians. You're having sex. Congratulations, we already knew that, stop making us listen to it.

"I'd Do Anything"

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This comes in all sorts of variations, "I'd do anything for you" "I'd do anything to have you" etc. etc. But, in the same way we don't believe Bruno Mars when he says he'd catch a grenade for us, we find it hard to believe he'd do anything for us, anything at all.

"Tonight Is The Night"

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Again, there are variations on this one, "We've only got tonight," "only tonight," "tonight's the night". If using this kind of line can make Matthew Morrison (of Glee fame) seem like a desperate sex starved loser (we'll hold back the sun somehow/ See the sky, we still got tonight), then it's definitely a no-go for people who may come off like desperate sex-starved folks to begin with. Telling me there's less time for us to work towards having sex doesn't convince me that I should definitely do it now, it just makes me wonder how many times that line has been used before.

"Shake It/Drop It To The Floor"

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"Drop it low girl, let me see that ass shake" is a favorite amongst the likes of Kanye, Pitbull, Diplo and countless others. What it is hotter about a butt closer to the floor versus at whatever height it naturally resides is a bit unclear, but ladies, if you want to catch yourself a rapper, do a wall-sit/squat and jiggle it around until someone notices. Apparently that works?