I hate rides. I've never been on a roller coaster. And things like this video from Malaysia completely support my stance: This guy freaks out while riding the Slingshot, thus giving his lady-friend probably the worst date of her life. (Definitely a bad date. Look how he keeps trying to use the ride as a pretense for holding her hand, which she is awesomely pretending to not notice. Girl is so not into him even at all.) Look, I don't know about you, but a ride that "slings" and "shoots" you doesn't exactly sound like a walk among a field of puppies and Cadbury Cream Eggs. So I really don't blame this guy for having the freak-out of the century, because I have a feeling mine would be worse. The publisher of the video describes it like this:
"Malaysian man went through exorcism on slingshot Real prove that demons live inside of us. Exorcism started at 1:07. 1:16 to see him removing demonic lice on his head. 1:25 to see him vomiting the demon inside of him and then continue removing the lice demons on his head. Happened in Malaysia. Probably what happens to every c**t who wears a Baby G-shock. RIP G-shock fans."
It really does look like he's been possessed by something that's trying to get out by way of the orifices on his face. Meanwhile, his girlfriend/friend/date/whatever sits next to him dealing with the whole thing relatively well. She's screaming, but also manages some to retain her dignity with some super-human self control, simply turning her head to the side and remaining still rather than losing her mind like the guy next to her.
Needless to say, this looks like the absolute worst date on earth. It's lucky for the woman she was actually turned away from the man and didn't have to witness his convulsions first hand, but given that the video is now doing the rounds on the Internet, she probably can't unsee this:
Here are 6 reasons why this looks like the worst date on earth, based on the above video, and other terrifying ride experiences, including DMX's infamous flirtation with the slingshot:
1. Because "I want to be scared for my life on this date!" is something no one said, ever
2. Because it seems like, after all that dry-heaving, that man's breath might smell like vomit, which isn't a recipe for romantic kisses
3. Because no one looks like Beyoncé on a Slingshot, so forget about impressing your date with your sexy smile
4. Because no one wants to date someone who's possessed by a demon. Or maybe they do. I don't know. I don't know your life. It just seems complicated to me.
5. Because who's going to want to go out for a delicious fancy date meal after having their stomach shake through their body from their toes to their brain?
6. Because everyone knows all the best dates occur with four feet planted firmly on the ground. It's the simple things in life, really.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy (6)