Some people thoroughly enjoy a good old dive into the Britney Spears music video archive (yours truly included). If this descriptor sounds like it applies to you as well, odds are you’ve watched the Britney Spears “Me Against The Music” music video from 2003 and thought: What is supposed to be happening here? Also, why is there a random tree growing out of the ground in that one room?
Just to refresh your memory on the premise, the video shows Britney dancing her way through the labyrinth of a super hip underground club in hot pursuit of Madonna. At one point, they dance on either side of a wall, apparently picking up each others’ scents. But because she is cunning, Madonna evades Britney at every turn, stopping every so often so roll around in some leaves or play on a swing. They come face-to-face briefly to dance battle around a bed frame (OK...), and then again at the end, when there’s an unexpected twist. Also, at some point, someone eats Sbarro.
When you were a kid, it was easy to accept the notion that Britney and Madonna just existed in this liminal party space between reality in fantasy. But as an adult, you may take a second look at it and think: this is the trippiest warehouse party I’ve ever been to. Here are 13 weird things that you totally forgot about from this hilariously odd (but still pretty badass) music video.
Britney Isn't A Great Driver
She's basically driving on the sidewalk when she pulls up to the front of this rockin' warehouse party.
The Plentiful Product Placement
Brit-Brit's Blue Shirtless Collar
You get the all class and pizazz of a collar and tie without the hassle of a shirt. GENIUS!
The Questionable Hats
Three words: Patent. Leather. Fedora
The "White Dudes In Suits" Room
And Madonna is the HBIC. Blow the lid off the patriarchy, Madge!!!
Madonna's Crazy Dance Moves In General
TEACH ME HOW TO DO THIS, NOW!!!
This too! Sure, why not?
The Hallways Looks Strikingly Similar To The Venue In "I'm A Slave 4 U"
I feel like I've seen two-by-fours being stacked like toothpicks to form walls before... but where???
The Inexplicable Room With An Turning Tree
A tree grows (in a warehouse) in Brooklyn.
How Much Madonna Loves Said Tree Room
Something you may not know about the Queen of Pop: she enjoys a good pile of leaves.
It's FAALLLLLL!!! ALL PUMPKIN EVERYTHING!!!!
Also, She Finds A Swing
The Room With The Superfluous Bed Frame
As Brit and Madonna demonstrate, a wrought iron bed is a perfect accessory for dance battles. That is likely the reason that an empty bed frame is the sole piece of furniture in this room. A mattress would seriously hinder choreographed throw-downs.
THIS DANCE MOVE
Can you drop it low like Britney? I didn't think so.
Spoiler Alert: Madonna May Be A Ghost
Britney's video-long pursuit of Madonna, who has deftly eluded her grasp thus far, ends in this moment of almost-kissing. When a victorious Britney leans in to plant one on her, this happens...
Rejected by a supernatural entity.
Re-live all the shenanigans in which Brit-Brit and Madoonya take on the music below.
Images: Britney Spears/Vevo (21)