We did it. We made it to the very end of Vanderpump Rules Season 3. If last Monday’s reunion episode was the touchdown-packed Championship Game, this Monday’s Secrets Revealed episode, aka the unaired footage episode, was the post-game high-five line. The cast and the viewers formed two single-file queues, and as the lines walked passed each another, the Vanderpumpers and the Vanderviewers exchanged high fives and “good game”s. It was time to stab a Capri Sun pouch with a straw, nosh on some oranges, and watch some deleted scenes. I love a Secrets Revealed episode.
My favorite of the previously unaired moments was filmed during the Miami trip: While the entire cast hung out in one of the hotel rooms, Kristen and Scheana decide to snag Jax’s phone, go through his sexts, and laugh at what they find. Tom Schwartz lounges on a couch in a robe and looks on as the women react to Jax’s sexts.
“I’ve seen things [in Jax’s cell phone] that I can never unsee,” Tom Schwartz says in a talking head. “I’ve seen pictures. [Takes deep breath] If I’m not being clear enough, I’ve seen Jax’s d*ck.”
OK. Well, then. There that is. Cool beans.
Honestly, it isn't the talking head or the d*ck pics or Scheana and Kristen's hooting and hollering that makes this scene. It's Tom Schwartz's lounging in the background that steals the show.
As Kristen and Scheana run around the room with Jax's cellular device, a be-robed Tom Schwartz blissfully basks in the fun. Soaks up the sun. Drinks it all in. Just look at him:
We should all be so fortunate to be this overcome with joy while on vaycay. Hashtag vacationgoals.
Images: Nicole Wilder/Bravo; Bravo