'Game Of Thrones' & 'It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia' Crossover Would Be A Drunken Delight
If you happen to be a fan of a certain HBO drama set in Westeros and a fan of a certain FX series set in Philadelphia, have I got the tidbit for you: Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss told TMZ that they want to bring It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia stars Rob McElhenney and Charlie Day to Westeros. Well, wouldn't that be a cameo for the ages! Let us cross our fingers until it comes true. If it were to come to fruition, it would not be the first time the GoT writers worked with the It’s Always Sunny cast: Back in 2013, Benioff and Weiss penned an episode of The FX comedy series.
Upon reading this, both my editor’s imagination and my own imagination went into overdrive: What would it be like if the It’s Always Sunny gang went to Westeros? No, not the actors, but the fictional characters. That would be madness. Beautiful, beautiful madness.
I knew what I had to do: I had to dream up an It's Always Sunny/GoT crossover. Needless to say, Charlie, Mac, Dennis, Sweet Dee, and Frank’s GoT experience would be veeeeery different from a Real Housewives’ GoT experience. ONWARD!
(Yes, I know some of the GoT characters I'm about to bring up are—spoiler alert!—dead. For the purposes of this exercise, let's pretend all of the characters are still alive, time is a flat circle, et cetera.)
Sweet Dee would marry Joffrey Baratheon. She’d get a kick out of his bloodthirsty nature but would haaaaaaaaate her mother-in-law. After one too many passive aggressive interactions, Dee would challenge Cersei Lannister to a game of flip cup. The teams: Dee, Mac, Charlie, and Dennis vs. Cersei, Jamie Lannister, Margaery Tyrell, and Olenna Tyrell.
The Flipadelphia team would have their behinds handed to them. Who knew Olenna was such a boss at drinking games?
Inspired by Olenna's flip cup prowess, Dee would start wearing hats with scarves attached. Dee, Mac, and Charlie would tell her she looks like the most glamorous bird they've ever seen.
"Like a bird who only drinks water from a Brita," Dennis would say. "No well water for this fancy bird!"
Dennis would resent Jon Snow for being so attractive. He'd go door-to-door and ask people if Jon Snow was really that good looking. He'd be pounding beers the entire time, obviously. At one point, he'd drunkenly take a wrong turn and wind up in a spooky cave. He'd pass out there.
Upon waking up, he'd see that a group of White Walkers had formed a circle around him. Dennis would open his mouth to speak, only to release the pungent scent of skunky beer into the air. The harsh smell would burn the White Walkers' eyes. They'd run away.
Dennis would go back to napping in the cave until he slept the drunk off.
Mac would tear the sleeves off of every tunic he owned. If the occasion called for armor, he'd opt to wear the breastplate only. He'd get really into archery and would constantly challenge people to shooting tournaments. "I'm Robin Hoooooood!" he'd scream-sing as he'd release the string of the bow.
At one of the impromptu tournaments, he'd be smoked Ygritte. After watching her hit one bullseye after another, he'd snap his bow over his knee and head to the nearest pub.
"I can't tell if I hate that girl," he'd mumble over a pint. "Or if I am in love with her. What does love feel like, anyway?"
Much to the chagrin of all of the denizens of Westeros, Charlie would somehow wind up in possession of the Iron Throne. He'd stick a slab of milksteak on each of the swords sticking out of the back of the chair. After a few days, Mac, Charlie, Dee, and Frank would let him know how horrid the smell had become. Charlie would order guards to throw his friends in the dungeon.
A week later, Charlie would finally notice the spoiled milksteak odor. He'd ask a guard to remove the milksteak and "give the Throne a bubble bath." He'd trudge down to the dungeon and release The Gang from their cell.
"I fed the milksteaks to Daenerys's dragons," he'd say, shaking his head. "And two minutes later, the dragons started barfing. I think it was a faulty batch of milksteak."
Frank would be dead set on catching Hodor uttering anything other than his own name. So, Frank would spend a majority of his free time palling around with Hodor. Charlie would get really jealous of Frank and Hodor’s new friendship.
Frank would buy a small fishing boat and live on the water. "I like watching all of the weird action," he'd tell The Gang. "Lots of dead bodies thrown into the water. I hope I see a sea ghost soon!" Without missing a beat, the rest of The Gang would begin treating Frank like heis a sea ghost. Rather than be freaked out by this, Frank would embrace this. He would think he was the king of the sea ghosts.
TL;DR: "The Gang Heads to Westeros" would be something special.