Coachella & More Music Festivals Ban Selfie Sticks — 9 Other Things That Should Be Banned

Music festivals are crowded, over-heated, and expensive. In short, music festivals are actually kind of terrible. Sure, your favorite bands are there. Heck, you might even catch a few stellar comedy shows or meet the love of your life in a neon-fueled DJ tent on a hot summer day. I get it, these things have some appeal. However, there's a lot more that festival promoters and organizers can do to make the experience worthy of its $200 price tag. Thankfully small steps actually are being taken by major festivals like Coachella, Lollapalooza, and Ultra to make everyone's time as safe and enjoyable as possible: they've banned selfie sticks. I wholeheartedly support this decision. Whoever thought large rods holding expensive electronics was a good idea at drug-fueled mud parties anyway?

Not only are selfie sticks dangerous and likely to lead to countless thefts, they get in the way of what paying audiences came to see — live music. It's bad enough the view at almost every concert is now blocked by the glow of someone sending a Snapchat to their friends, but the selfie stick adds an entire new level of rude. Along with the standard banned items such as drugs and alcohol — which never actually seem that banned at any festival ever — Coachella has also banned hula hoops, upsetting hippies around the world who are really mad, but are going to be peaceful about it, man.

Here's a list of everything else I think should be banned at festivals. Because festivals are actually kind of the worst:

Shirtless Dudes

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If I can't be topless without fear of being groped, then no one gets to be topless, dangit! Also, I'd rather not have your sweaty nips rubbing against me while I try to find my friends at the Wine Junction and Taco Tent. Capiche?

Babies

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Look, babies are great. They are squishy, precious balls of wonder. However, every time I see a baby at a festival I just worry their poor little eardrums are going to explode, they'll overheat, or somehow end up high on shrooms. SAVE THE BABIES!

Fuzzy Boots

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I just don't get it and find them to be annoying AF.

Culturally and Racially Insensitive Regalia

NOOOOOOOOPE.

The Full Bodysuits

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Let's be real, there's just something pervy about it.

iPads

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Taking a photo with your iPad? GTFO.

Cigarettes and Vaping

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Trust me, it doesn't look cool and it makes everyone around you just that much more miserable. Leave it at home, it's for the greater good.

Shoulder-Sitters

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Oh hell to the no.

Peeing Anywhere that's Not in a Bathroom, Port-A-Potty or Bush

SEBASTIAN WILLNOW/DPA/Getty Images

OHHHHH I'M A MAN AND I CAN WHIP OUT MY DONG ANYTIME I WANT AND ANYWHERE I WANT AND HAVE A CASUAL WIZZ! Right? WRONG. I once stood in the middle of a crowd at Outside Lands and had a man pee on the ground directly next to me. This is why I no longer go to festivals.