Basketball Fan Terrorizes His Girlfriend In Target

This past month has been a foggy haze of sports fanaticism and rosters and brackets and other jargon beyond my limited periphery of sportsball. But what I’ve imagined this looks like past the timeline of my Facebook and Twitter feeds is something like this video of a guy who’s obsessed with March Madness, terrorizing both Target shoppers and his astoundingly patient companion. Because ball is life, and you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take—even if they come at the steep price of your relationship.

This video comes to us from vlogger and presumable former class clown Qias Omar, who describes himself with the following sentence: “Im dope and I do dope stuff.” [sic] “Dope stuff” is seemingly qualified by annoyances experienced by his girlfriend for YouTube fame as he repeatedly dunks a child’s ball into her shopping cart at Target. Her head/face/body are frequently used as a backboard. She shall be canonized for her supreme command of patience. “I took my girlfriend shopping but I decided to make it a little more fun for myself since ball is life and its March Madness [insufferable winky face emoticon],” he writes in the video's description.I’m no philistine, but let’s count the ways this dude loves ball way too damn much:

Exhibit A:

His girlfriend becomes a human springboard.

Exhibit B:

I mean, really dude?

The 3-minute compilation of this bro annoying the hell out of his girlfriend and any respectable Target shopper can be viewed below, if you're into that.

Images: YouTube