This Footage Of An '80s House Party Getting Broken Up By Parents Is Real Because I Say It Is — VIDEO
I grew up a bit behind. Although I idolized contemporary house party movies like Can't Hardly Wait and She's All That (despite the fact I was in about fifth grade when both dropped), I also blended in plenty of classics from the era proceeding it, which was mostly stuff from before I was born. That included gems like Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982), Sixteen Candles (1984), and Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986). Needless to say, this outfitted my young teen expectations for high school parties in a very bizarre, unreasonable way, especially since I spent those years in mid-'00s North Florida. This meant that most shindigs took place outdoors, surrounded by pick-up trucks blasting Lil Jon or country-pop-crossover hits. It was a dark time in music history, and North Florida was a very real place to experience it. Anyway, what I'm saying is, I did enough unintentional cinematic research to feel confident in judging '80s teen culture authenticity. And this video evidence of an 1988 high school party that gets busted sure smacks as bonafide.
The grainy video quality is the first sign it's probably legit. Plus, it's named "B-Rock Party." Come on, you can't intentionally recreate this kind of '80s magic. Roxette's seductive number "She's Got The Look" crackles over a home stereo as the camera pans through the room full of fluffy teenage coifs bending over joints they light with matches. It's all hair spray and cool times until the parentals return home early and break up the whole celebration. Thankfully, the camera keeps rolling to collect audio of the host's mother declaring, "You are in a lot of shit." Oof. Party foul.
I'M CHOOSING TO BELIEVE THIS IS REAL. DON'T TAKE AWAY MY FUN.
Things that suggest this video is real:
1. The hair styles
Obviously. Even if a bunch of teens were to throw an '80s-themed party, chances are a few Too Cool For Theme Parties folks would have cameo'd on screen.
2. The music
Same as above. Teenagers are not classically applauded for their dedication to legit, vintage synth-pop. But most of all...
3. THERE ARE NO PHONES
Yes, the footage is blurry as hell, but the bright, unmistakable screen of an iPhone is just that—UNMISTAKABLE. And if there's on generation of people with smart phones glued in palm always, it's teens.
Things that suggest the video is fake:
And although the idea of group historian is appealing to a select few high schoolers, chances are no one would be shaking with interest to strap one of those puppies to their shoulder and walk around the party like it's NBD.
2. People were probably not so used to being filmed
With that huge camera, it's harder to be discrete and catch kids acting normal. But then again, surely most of the attendees were blitzed in some way, therefore, they theoretically wouldn't notice nor care so much.
3. Why would you record evidence of something incriminating?
Oh right. Because you're a teen.
I'm gonna go with real. Yep, this has got to be real—it's too good not to be.
Images: Julius Cruickshank/Flickr; Giphy (4)