This Instagram Is A Junk Food Lover's Dream

by Eliza Castile

Some people (me) never grow out of their childish eating habits, because maybe Oreos are too delicious to resist for some people (me), OK? If this sounds like you, you should know that there are people like you out there — including the runners of the Chef Jacques Lamerde Instagram, which transforms all your favorite junk foods, and some of your less-favorites, into beautifully plated cuisine. Who knew that something so bad for you could look so good? The Instagram is only about two months old but apparently I'm not the only person who's strangely into pictures of aesthetically-pleasing Twinkies because the account already has more than 8,000 followers. The anonymous chef, who goes by Jacques Lamerde (get it? get it??), has a frankly astonishing talent for turning Lunchables, powdered mac and cheese, and pork rinds into something that looks like it would cost $30 in a place where you waited two hours to get a table. It manages to highlight the ridiculously tiny portions we've come to expect at upscale restaurants while simultaneously giving you munchies like you've never had them before. For example, would you believe that this plate contains "Hawaiian bagel bites, cheetos, baby carrot [and] ranch puree, small vegetables, and chipotle oil?"


The best part, by far, would be the captions accompanying each new plate, because they are gold. I'll let Jacques Lamerde speak for himself here:

Other choice tidbits include a "tight s'more peep dessert spec mashup."

There's also a plate with "hand-torn Twinkie chunks."

Oh look, it's a dinner garnished with "shards of Triscuit cracker and a Miracle Whip crema."

This one is garnished with "lemon-lime Gatorade spheres for a hint of acidity." Seriously.

He even made one with everyone's favorite guilty 2 a.m. snack, Pop Tarts! (Side note: see, Mom?? I TOLD you people my age eat Pop Tarts.)

But if you're in more of a chocolatey, "listening to Phil Collins and crying all night" mood, the chef's got you covered too.

If you're not simultaneously cracking up and kinda sorta salivating right now, I admire your self restraint. Do yourself a favor and check out the rest of the Instagram, but be prepared — you're probably going to want to make a grocery run afterward.

Images: ChefJaquesLamerde/Instagram, Giphy