Entertainment
13 Best Celebrity Twitter Bios From Louis CK, Miley Cyrus, and More
The ability to tweet successfully is harder than many of us might have previously imagined in the dark ages before Twitter was born. Being hilarious or relatable in 140 characters or less is mentally taxing, and it is the rare celebrity who succeeds. There are shining examples, like Chrissy Teigen or Jenny Mollen, but then there are the Liam Hemsworths of the world, those who create Twitter accounts with empty bios, followed by emptier tweets. The point is that before there are great tweets, before there is a following, there must be a Twitter bio. And it must be great.
Twitter bios tell us an extremely abridged life story. Who are these celebrities? What are their views? What do we essentially need to know to "understand" their Twitter? Why are they who they are? How on earth can describing yourself really vaguely be funny? A Twitter bio is like a permanent version of that moment when playing a name game in a class or new environment where, when asked to share your name and an interesting fact about yourself, you somehow lose all genuinely interesting facts in favor of talking about your childhood pet Fluffy. So, for inspiration, check out these celebrity bios, which show us it's ok to different.
Louis CK
Louis's bio reads, "I am a comedian and a person and a guy who is sitting here." And it's just perfect. Because if you've watched his stand-up shows or have seen Louie (and everyone has done both of these things), then you know that that is the most 100 percent Louie-ish statement, which sounds stupid but whatever. Louie is a guy who is sitting here, and he has managed to capture himself perfectly doing so.
Miley Cyrus
Okay, I'm not putting Cyrus in because she's particularly witty or insightful, but her Twitter bio is among the best, purely because it's so memorable. It reads, "california face. with a down south rump," which makes me laugh but sort of want to cry, all at the same time. Also the word rump to describe anything other than a steak? Just no.
Salman Rushdie
Oh Salman Rushdie, you dark horse. Rushdie is a controversial figure — having written some books that made some countries very angry before marrying and divorcing Padma Lakshmi — who happens to have an awesome Twitter bio. It reads: "In the immortal words of Popeye the Sailor Man: I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam." Damn right, Salman. No wonder you attracted a supermodel — those Popeye muscles likely did the trick.
John Cleese
John Cleese's bio reads, "Yes, I am still indeed alive, contrary to rumour, and I am touring my one Cleese show." Tell me you didn't just hear a John Cleese voice in your head reading that out. Which is exactly what I wish would happen when people read mine. Sigh.
Tom Hanks
Did anyone expect to see so many AARP members on this list? I certainly didn't, but Hanks, as he does with everything, positively slays it with his Twitter bio. He writes, "I'm that actor in some of the movies you liked and some you didn't. Sometimes I'm in pretty good shape, other times I'm not. Hey, you gotta live, you know?" Which is all true! You know everything Tom Hanks.
Mia Farrow
"Im trying," is the most simple, yet beautiful Twitter bio I've encountered (and, in making this slideshow, I encountered a lot). We know you are, Mia, and you're doing a damn good job, at least based on your son Ronan Farrow, a Twitter and real-life prodigy.
Skylar Astin
Skylar Astin’s face is so reminiscent of all the boys from Hebrew School who rejected me, which is why I struggle to like him, despite his innate likability in Pitch Perfect. But the excellence of his Twitter bio sort of makes up for all the teenage semitic angst I see in him. He makes the sweeping statement of, “At the end of the day, I consider myself to be someone, when it all comes down to it, after all is said and done, and when push comes to shove I think I am the ” which, admittedly, is pretty hilarious. Ugh, fiiiiine Skylar Astin, I’ll let it go. Boys like you date shiksas, and it’s okay.
Ed Helms
Ed Helms is amazing, because he really seems like a guy you might know in real life — if the guys you knew were funnier, weirder, and had smaller eyes. Case in point, his Twitter bio, which reads, “At parties, you'll probably find me over by the guacamole,” which means that if I did know Ed Helms in real life, we’d probably be soul mates because I really respect someone who can fully admit their addiction to the guac.
Lena Dunham
Ugh Lena Dunham. Everything she says and does makes me wish she went to elementary school with me so we could have been the weird girls drawing monsters in art class together. Her Twitter bio reads, "2002: I was sent to the principal for putting a cheese doodle in my bellybutton because life isn't always fair." Jeez, she's wise.
Zach Braff
I sort of hate Zach Braff and have to thus hate his Twitter, but I have to appreciate when things are done well. Like his Twitter bio: “Twitter friend to over 1,268,000 of the sexiest mofos on Earth. I block people quicker than I should. As a teen I sometimes dry-humped pillows.” In fairness, I only really object to the first part. Dry-humping pillows is pretty original.
Dax Shepard
Not only is Dax Shepard ridiculously cute on Twitter — just see any of his interactions with wife Kristen Bell — but his bio is cute and funny and why oh why did I only notice Dax Shepard was kind of hot after he started dating Kristen Bell?! His bio says, “Humanist. Comedic actor who is light on both comedy and acting.”
Jenny Slate
According to her Twitter bio, Jenny Slate is an animaniac. Seriously. It reads: "I'm an animaniac." Which means she referenced one of the most meaningful cartoons of my childhood (serious props) and that she loves nurses (how nice!).
Anna Kendrick
Ugh, it hurts that there are people as cool as actress-singer-Oscar nominee Anna Kendrick. She, however, doesn't see it, based on her Twitter bio, which reads, "Pale, awkward and very very small. Form an orderly queue, gents." Someday, we too will be able to pull off self-deprecation without seeming pathetic, but, until then, let's all just worship Anna Kendrick's ability to do so.
